


amor verus

by budapestagain (orphan_account)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Wedding Planner, Fluff, M/M, Malec, Romance, Shadowhunters - Freeform, Weddings, clace, i'm so bad at tags, wedding planner magnus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-05-30 19:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6437029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/budapestagain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To Alec Lightwood, family is the most important thing, above everything, including personal happiness. So when he proposed to Lydia, he wasn’t thinking of himself but the family name.<br/>Magnus Bane is a popular and successful wedding planner and when he's hired to plan Alec's wedding, he thinks this will just be another job. </p><p>They have to find out that sometimes the right thing to do is to follow your heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

_“Lydia Branwell, will you marry me, Alexander Lightwood?”_

_Alec hated those words the moment he said them._

_“Oh, Alec,” Lydia’s eyes were bright, like she hadn’t expected this, even though it was the only reason he’d invited her to this fancy restaurant, on a ‘date’. It’s not like they’d been dating. It was more like old-fashioned courting. They’d kissed, sure, but they hadn’t had sex, and it had only been a year of this mild thing. Making sure they were seen together, photographed together, acting like they were in love. Everyone knew it was for show, but no-one questioned it, not really. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”_

Alec sat at his desk in his New York apartment, staring out of the window and doing anything to avoid his work. He had to send a report in by…he glanced at the clock…half an hour ago. He tapped away at the keys impatiently for a few minutes before giving up, reading the messy start he’d written. He was meant to be writing up the case Jace had just been on for the sergeant but the words just weren’t flowing, stuck by a mental block in his mind. Normally he was good at this stuff, he liked paperwork and he liked his job, being surrounded by paperwork and rules and regulations, but Jace called him a _paper-monkey_.

He contemplated making dinner, calling Jace, texting Lydia, catching up on his favourite show maybe when his phone chimed with a text message. The sign of Lydia’s name made his thoughts sour even though he’d just been considering calling her. He liked her, of course he did. She was a good friend. But the thought of being her husband, of having to kiss her every day, of having to _sleep with her_ in time made his skin crawl. He was gay. Very in the closet, incredibly far back in the closet, covered in mothballs and dust, but gay nonetheless.

_From Lydia [6:37pm]: I’m swamped with work stuff. Can you call the wedding planner and arrange an appointment for tomorrow? Magnus Bane._

She’d left a number but Alec felt a need to reply to her message with one of his own. Isn’t that what loving couples did? Exchange cute funny messages, screenshot the best messages to look back on when lonely or tired or mad or sad? Instead he left it, dialling the number with a frown. The phone rang a few times before it was picked up. “Magnus Bane,” an incredibly smooth voice on the other end said, “how can I help you?”

“I, uh, I’m Alec, uh Alec Lightwood,” he stammered. He was never good on the phone, too awkward to have a decent conversation with someone without being face to face. Texting was much more his thing, where he could edit and think extensively about his responses.

“Of the Manhattan Lightwoods?” Magnus suddenly sounded more alert, being faced with Alec’s family’s prestigious name. “I heard about the scandal last year.” Not so prestigious name. Ever since Isabelle abandoned the family business of being a ‘valuable and esteemed part of society’ for being a self-defence teacher in Brooklyn, they’d been almost torn apart by the vultures of high society. The wedding was a way to stitch them back together again.

“Yeah, well, I’m the eldest son, and I’m, my fiancée, Lydia Branwell-” he paused, waiting for a crow of recognition but none came, just a steady silence. “Uh, Lydia asked me to call you and set up an appointment.” That was one sentence without much hesitation. “For tomorrow, if that’s okay?”

“Of course, anything for the Lightwoods,” Magnus said. “I knew your mother,” he added. “So, Alexander, I’m free tomorrow at two, if you’re okay for then?”

“I’ll have to ask my, uh, fiancée.” Great, he could barely say the word _fiancée_ without getting nervous. “But I’m sure it’ll be okay.” There was a silence and Alec yearned to either fill it or hang up immediately. He wanted to end this conversation right now with the appointment being made but he knew he just couldn’t. “Magnus?”

“My apologies, I got distracted. Tomorrow is great. I’ll see you then, Alexander.”

The phone beeped and Magnus had hung up. Alec waited for a second before putting the phone down. He wasn’t sure why but he felt uneasy, like something big had happened. Maybe it was the fact that the wedding would be set in stone soon. He knew that it had to be in a month or two because some important ambassadors were only free then.

Alec looked at his computer, considering finishing the report, then stopped and looked out of the window again.

 

 

“Alec Lightwood,” he said to the girl at the desk. He was alone, self-consciously alone in the wedding planner’s office. “I have an appointment in about five minutes.”

The girl checked her computer and then smiled at him unnervingly brightly. “Mr Bane said to let you right in, that’s unusual. He normally keeps people waiting.” She laughs softly. “Anyway, it’s the second door on the right, just down that corridor.”

Alec walked down the corridor, feet sinking into the plush red carpet. The whole floor was incredibly colourful and every last corner was decorated with flowers or paintings or ornaments that Alec didn’t even have names for. It should have looked cheap but it didn’t. It looked classy. Much like its owner. He’d done some research last night – mostly so he didn’t embarrass himself and mistake Magnus Bane for an intern or something – and he’d spent hours staring at photos he’d found online. Magnus Bane had dark styled hair, his golden-brown eyes always outlined in something, always wearing elaborate necklaces and many rings, colourful shirts, tight pants and everything else that made him, essentially, Magnus Bane. His phone chimed as he stopped outside the door.

_From Isabelle [1:56pm]: have you met him yet?? tell him he’s my style icon._

_To Isabelle [1:56pm]: no and no. going in now._

Alec knocked on the door, tentatively. “Come in,” the voice from last night called out and Alec stepped inside. Magnus was sat on an oak desk, legs crossed. It took a few seconds for Alec’s heart to adjust, for it to stop beating so much. He felt like…he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Magnus was wearing a red shirt, streaked with gold and black pants. His eyes were lined with red glitter and black eyeliner. “Alexander,” Magnus said, raising an eyebrow. “And where is the fiancée?”

“She got stuck at work but she’ll be here soon,” he said, hoping that was true. If she didn’t come in at least two minutes, Alec might explode from how stunning their _wedding planner_ was. This man would be planning their wedding. “I’m, uh, oh you know who I am, I…sorry, should I sit down or something?”

“Yes, of course,” Magnus rested his foot on a red leather chair and Alec sat down it, avoiding sitting on the well-polished loafer. “How are you? I love that jacket. Is it Armani?”

Alec looked down at his blue blazer, blushing. “Um, I’m not sure,” he said. “My sister bought it for me for my birthday.” _Tell him he’s my style icon_ , Isabelle’s voice echoed through his head and he smiled to himself. “She’s a huge fan,” he said, against his better judgement. “If that doesn’t sound too weird.”

“Not at all. I’m assuming that’s Isabelle Lightwood?” Magnus raised his eyebrow. “Tell her that I loved the dress she wore two years ago at the charity ball in Los Angeles.” Alec made a mental note. “So, Alexander.” The way he said his name made Alec’s skin tingle. He felt sick. “The wedding seems to be the height of the socialite calendar this year,” he said, “no pressure.” Alec smiled. “Are you looking forward to it?”

“I guess so, yeah,” he said, half-heartedly. Magnus raised his eyebrows and he felt the sudden need to act a bit more enthusiastic. “I mean, yeah, it’s my wedding. It marks the start of a new chapter. With Lydia.”

“And all that other Hallmark crap,” Magnus said. Alec stifled a smile. “You can relax, you know, Alexander.”

“And you can just call me Alec,” he replied.

“I prefer Alexander. It suits you much better. Much more elegant. It’s a gorgeous name, really.” Alec was about to say something, like _and Magnus is unusual_ , when the wedding planner continued, “almost as gorgeous as its owner.”

Alec choked on his words, his cheeks heating up. “Uh, um, I, uh, Magnus…Lydia should be…I…”

“Drink?”

“What?”

“I’ve been a neglectful host so far. I was…distracted,” Magnus said. A small smile played on his lips. Alec didn’t answer. “Okay…” Magnus stood up and walked over to a table filled with various bottles of alcohol. A pink liquid was poured into a glass and Magnus swirled it around with a finger. Alec watched, unable to tear his eyes away. The glass was handed to him and Magnus sat on the desk with his own drink. Alec took a swig of the alcohol and winced as the burning hit the back of his throat. “What’s your favourite colour?”

“Uh, black, or…no, black, I think.”

“I think the colour scheme for the wedding should be blue and gold,” Magnus said. He leaned forward and stared at Alec. “Blue would look beautiful with your eyes.”

“You…uh, gold…you have gold eyes.”

“Yes.” Magnus winked. “But it isn’t my wedding. Not yet, anyway. I never thought Lydia would…I’m not sure. I just didn’t think you and Lydia were a likely match.”

“It’s a solid partnership,” Alec said, rattling off the phrase he’d told Jace, Izzy, Clary, even Simon when asked.

“That’s… _hot_ ,” Magnus said with a small laugh. He sounded sort of bitter. The phone rang and Magnus pressed the green call button. “Yes?”

“Miss Branwell is here.”

“Send her in, thanks.” Magnus hopped down from the desk and sat on the other side, facing Alec. Lydia walked in and Alec forced a smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a long chapter! Oops.

**CHAPTER TWO**

“You’re so lucky,” Jace said through a mouthful of sandwich. “Do you think Clary would mind if I proposed to her just for the free cake samples?”

“Probably.” Alec eyed his adopted brother, dubiously, as the crumbs sprayed too close for Alec’s comfort. Jace had never even mentioned committing properly to Clary, since their first date where he’d come home, singing her praises and calling her _white picket fence girl_. Sure, they were living together but neither of them had mentioned marriage or proposals. Jace had just been happy to get her to move out with her best friend, Simon.

_“It’s not like Simon’s gonna be lonely without her,” Jace had pointed out one night after Clary had moved in. She was in the kitchen, making sure Isabelle didn’t set fire to anything, and they were watching the football game. Alec hated sports but it made Jace happy. “He’s already got a million prospective roommates lined up outside his door.”_

_“Yeah but they’re not her,” Alec had replied. “He’ll miss her.” Jace had just rolled his eyes but when Simon came round ten minutes later, he’d acted unnervingly friendly. Well, he hadn’t insulted him. That much._

“I’d better get going soon,” Alec said. They were sat on a bench, not too far from the restaurant he was cake-tasting in. He’d taken the afternoon off but reluctantly accepted lunch with Jace, which meant terrible sandwiches from the nearest food truck. Jace seemed to have no taste buds when it came to food-truck-food or diner-food. He stood up as Jace did and resisted the urge to pull him into a hug. Lydia was working but Alec wouldn’t be doing this alone. Far worse than being alone, he was cake-tasting with Magnus.

The text had come early that morning, when Alec was pouring Lydia some coffee. He’d spilt some of it over him when he’d seen who it was texting him. _Magnus Bane_. Thankfully Lydia was still in the shower so she couldn’t question his nerves.

_From Magnus [7:02am]: Alexander, the cake-tasting is today. Lydia said that she is working so she’s booked you an afternoon off work. I’ll send you directions. 1pm. Don’t be late. Magnus x_

The message brought a flush to Alec’s cheeks even now, no matter how hard he tried to think about neutral things. Jace said goodbye and they went their separate ways, Jace hailing a cab and Alec turning round the street corner, taking deep breaths as he went, counting down to calm himself. It would be fine. He liked cakes…and Magnus.

The bakery was ahead of him, all cream walls and flower-window-boxes and pink frills adorning the front door. Alec took an even deeper breath as he opened the front door. The bell rang out a short sweet melody and a man appeared, like he’d been waiting behind a door for his arrival. “Welcome, sir,” the man said. “I presume you are the second part of the Lightwood wedding party of two?”

“Y-yeah, my fiancée is at work but Magnus…” Alec paused. “Is he already here?”

The chef nodded. “He’s in the back. Shall we?” Alec nodded in response and followed him down a corridor and into a side room. The table was stacked with fancy plates and every type of cake imaginable. There was chocolate and red velvet and an orange one and cakes Alec couldn’t even name. But Alec wasn’t looking at the cakes, he was looking at Magnus. As always, he was wearing copious amounts of glitter, lining his eyes and in his shirt and even his skin looked distinctively sparkly. He was looking down at his phone but when the door shut with a gentle click, Magnus looked up and smiled.

“Alexander, I like the uniform.”

Alec blushed furiously, looking down at the police uniform he hadn’t had time to change out of. He loved that uniform and everything it represented: protecting innocent people. “I didn’t have time to get changed,” he said. “I look-”

“I think you look great.” Magnus clapped his hands together. “Louis, I’ll take it from here.”

“Sure,” the chef said, “I’ll just be in the kitchen.”

Magnus waited for the chef to go then grinned, eyes lighting up. “Shall we?”

“Yeah, yeah, uh, sure.” Alec mumbled. The cake all looked delectable but he didn’t even know where to start. Until Magnus walked over, brushing his shoulder against Alec’s. He was so close that Alec could feel his warm breath on the back of his neck. Magnus was just standing there, in startlingly close proximity, almost pressed up against Alec’s back. His skin was tingling, goose-bumps spreading and his hairs standing up on end. “Which one should we, uh, try first?”

“Chocolate?” There was a smile in Magnus’ voice. “I love how _gooey_ this cake is.” Alec was almost melting. “It tastes especially good with ice-cream,” he added and Alec bit his lip. Magnus walked to Alec’s side, leaning over to grab a plate of chocolate cake. He dug the spoon in, scooping up the cake, and then held the spoon up. “Taste test?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I-Magnus, I, uh-” While he was stammering, Magnus put the spoon into his open mouth, looking like he was relishing Alec’s discomfort. The chocolate was heavenly, yes, and it was warm and delicious and Magnus’ eyes were on him, bright and amused.

“Good?” Magnus asked. He was definitely suppressing a smile.

Alec swallowed and frowned. “That was…” Uncalled for. Funny. Delicious. He grabbed a spoon of red velvet cake. “So how are you?” Magnus opened his mouth to reply and Alec stuffed the spoon his mouth, allowing himself – for once – to laugh properly.

“Alexander!” Magnus exclaimed. He was half-laughing along with Alec, icing stuck to his lips.

“You’ve got a little something there,” Alec said, gesturing to his mouth. He was smiling more than he had all day.

Magnus licked it off, almost smirking all the while, and that tongue was simply captivating. He was an engaged man. He shouldn’t be thinking about other people in that way. Especially _men_. He had grown up in a ‘traditional’ environment. That’s what his parents always said. _“We’re a traditional family, Alec. That’s why we don’t approve,”_ is what they’d said if he ever came out to them. Traditional was just another word for homophobic. That’s what Isabelle always said to their parents, anyway, when the topic came up. She always said it with a side-glance at Alec and then Jace started noticing and he had started looking briefly at Alec when anything like that was mentioned.

Alec’s eyes travelled over the most prominent features of Magnus’ face. He was considering something. Something stupid that he shouldn’t be considering. To his dismay, with the way Magnus was looking at him, eyes wide and lips pursed, it looked like he was considering that something stupid too. Eventually, Alec tore his eyes away, breaking the intense eye contact, with a furrowed brow. “So, uh, is the red velvet good?” he asked. He felt awkward, like his body was too gangly and weird. He’d thought he’d grown out of that phase when he was a teenager. He was always too tall, long limbs that made him clumsy. It was only when puberty started to end that he grew into his height, gaining muscle and finally looking _okay_ and feeling _okay_ when he looked into a mirror. It wasn’t a huge self-compliment but to him, it meant big things. Unlike Jace, body confidence wasn’t something Alec was accomplished at.

“It’s beautiful, Alexander,” Magnus replied. “But you _must_ try it.”

Unbeknownst to him, Magnus had been inching closer to the cakes and now that become apparently clear as a chunk of red cake came flying into him, smashing against his cheek and crumbling into a million little pieces. Alec spluttered with laughter, the sound getting stuck in his throat.

That meant war.

Pieces of cake flew everywhere, hitting them both, sticking in their hair (Magnus especially hated that because he’d presumably spent hours styling his hair) and their hands grew sticky and gooey. Alec ducked behind a table as a slice of carrot cake appeared in his line of vision, it was there almost like magic. He waited for a few seconds, making sure the air was clear of approaching missiles, before standing up. That was his mistake. He turned round slightly to look for Magnus and got a cake-filled palm cradling his cheek. At first, it was unapparent what was happening and Alec’s heart started racing but then he realised and the heart thing stopped slightly and the laugher came back as Magnus smeared cake all over his face, really working it in.

Alec reciprocated with a similar handful of cake, making sure to muss up Magnus’ hair, smear his makeup. He dabbed a finger into some frosting and created a frosting-moustache for Magnus. His finger was slipping dangerously low, close to lips he shouldn’t be thinking about, but he was too caught up in the moment, in the simple playful act, to bother worrying.

“You’re such a…” Alec trailed off as he couldn’t think of words to describe Magnus. _Child. Idiot._ “It’s going to take so long to wash this all off,” he added. He was scraping at his skin now, using both hands to wipe the cake off of him. “I just need a long hot shower.” Bad words. Definitely bad words by the way Magnus’ eyes widened, smirk deepened, the small lick of his lips that Alec couldn’t help noticing. But he was only noticing because they were mere inches apart, not because he was focusing on anything around the mouth area.

“I prefer baths, personally,” Magnus said. He wasn’t bothering to clean himself up but his tongue kept darting out to taste some of the desserts on his face. “Bubbles, bath bombs, relaxing music.” Pause where Magnus seemed to be mulling over his next words. “Maybe a companion.”

“My bath is only big enough for one.”

“You should try out mine. It’s glorious. I could definitely fit you in there.”

 _Crap._ Alec could feel a smile tugging at his lips. He couldn’t respond to the flirting in such a positive way. Yeah, he could shut Magnus down or reply in a neutral way, but he couldn’t encourage. Encouraging was bad, gave Magnus – gave them both – hope. “Magnus, I’m engaged,” he said, lacking some of the conviction he’d hoped to infer into that statement.

“Of course. I suppose bathing together would be considered cheating.” Magnus made a mock thinking pose. “I don’t think sharing a shower is cheating. I mean, that’s what they do at gyms and prisons.” As if the two things were interchangeable.

“I think it’s cheating if you ask someone to share a shower with you.”

“And if you just happened to wander upon me in the shower?”

“I’d-” do something I’d later regret. “-walk away, Magnus.”

The door opened and Louis came back in, looking immediately dejected as he saw the mess. “Mr Lightwood,” he said. Thankfully he seemed to be ignoring how messy they were. Alec could feel buttercream dripping down his cheek but Magnus intercepted, scooping it up with his finger and eating it. Thankfully, Louis either wasn’t bothered by this or he didn’t notice. “Have you made a decision?”

“Uh, I’m not too sure.” They hadn’t really _tasted_ any cake. “Lydia likes chocolate cake, I think.”

“Chocolate’s boring,” Magnus said. He leaned forward, frowning at the selection. “I’d choose the coffee. Exotic,” he explained. Alec liked coffee. “But it’s your choice, Alexander.”

Chocolate or coffee or something else? They were both looking at him. _My choice_ , Alec thought. Chocolate. He should choose chocolate. It was Lydia’s favourite, that would be easy, simple and it would make her happy. Chocolate, he decided.

“Coffee,” he said, suddenly. He had no idea where that had come from. Maybe it was Magnus at his side. Maybe it was the fact that Magnus had coffee cake stuck to his (probably incredibly expensive) shirt. Magnus started smiling, strangely. The chef nodded and disappeared back into the kitchen, muttering his goodbyes. Magnus was looking at Alec with something undecipherable in his eyes.

“What?” Alec frowned. Magnus smiled. He reminded Alec of the Cheshire cat. Almost magical. in a way. It was the smile, most definitely.

“Nothing, nothing,” he said but there was definitely _something_.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

Alec woke up with a smile on his face and the image of Magnus, splattered with cake, in his brain. The sunlight was shining through the window, warming the room, and the radio was playing softly. He could hear Lydia singing along to some song and he felt like he could fall in love with this moment. If Lydia wasn’t his fiancée. If Magnus wasn’t their wedding planner.

He sat up, pulling the covers tighter around him, and then he saw Lydia’s dress hung on the wardrobe doors. It was beautiful, pale pink lace, but the thought of seeing her in it did nothing to him. His mood soured as, in his sleepy mind, he vaguely recollected what today was. A quick glance at his phone confirmed it.

_From Jace [8:29am]: black or red jacket?_

_From Jace [8:32am]: im going for black_

_From Jace [8:34am]: clarys making me wear red_

_From Jace [8:34am]: this engagement party better be worth it_

Thoughts of socialising with foreign dignitaries and having to raise a glass of champagne to his and Lydia’s ‘love’ made his stomach turn. He didn’t see why they had to have such an extravagant event for such an extravagant lie.

 

“Thanks for coming,” Alec said to an old woman wearing what looked like a million dollars’ worth of jewels on her neck. She smiled at him then moved onto Lydia. Another elderly man came up to him, wearing a military outfit adorned with badges. Alec abandoned his fake smile for a nod of respect. “Commander,” he said, the man’s rank showing in his uniform.

The old man smiled at him. “You’re Alexander, huh?” He said in a slow Southern drawl.

“Yes, sir.”

“I’m Lydia’s great-uncle, Henry. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard good things.” Henry looked at his great-niece with a wide smile. “Lydia, you look beautiful.” His eyes travelled to Magnus, who was standing there, hands clasped together, looking respectful. “Mr Bane, I’m guessing?” Henry said.

Magnus nodded. “I’m the wedding planner.” His eyes flickered to Alec and Henry’s did too.

“Is he any good?” Henry asked.

“He’s, uh, great, yeah, he’s good,” Alec stammered. “At wedding planning. He planned this party too. You should see the inside of this place, it’s gorgeous.”

“I get the hint, kiddo, but I’ll talk to you later.” Henry frowned for a split-second then his smile returned and he walked on, following his wife inside.

Lydia looked at Alec. “What was that about?” She said, curiosity creeping into her voice. Alec shrugged. He honestly didn’t know but he suspected he was going to get some form of _don’t hurt my great-niece_ talk, like Lydia had gotten from Jace. Like everyone Alec was mildly interested in got from Jace.

“Lydia,” Magnus said, “I’ve been checking off names and there are only three more guests to arrive. Alec’s sister and two of his friends. You go inside and enjoy yourself and we’ll welcome them.”

Lydia hesitated for only a second before nodding and making her way inside. Alec watched her leave, heart in his throat. It had been such a long morning. He’d eaten breakfast with Lydia, exchanging mild conversation about mundane things (it wasn’t awkward, it was quite comforting to talk about the little things), then he’d had a shower and gotten dressed in the bathroom, claiming that he wanted to surprise Lydia with the outfit he was wearing. Magnus had sent it over a few days ago with a note:

_Alexander,_

_Wear this to the engagement party. I thought it would suit you._

_Magnus Bane_

For some reason, Magnus had been off with him since the cake tasting. He’d always been professional when Lydia was around but now he acted even colder towards Alec, barely talking to him. They’d been alone for all of five minutes whilst Lydia went to the restroom or something but in that time, Magnus had rejected all of Alec’s attempts of conversation. He knew that the cake fight never should have happened; it had all been too intimate. The memory of Magnus standing so close to him still gave him shivers. It shouldn’t.

Whilst he had been changing into the outfit, he’d realised that Magnus was right. It did suit him, oddly. He wore a lot of dark clothes but these seemed different somehow. The black tailored trousers were normal, as were the boots and jacket. It was only when Alec had closely inspected the dark blue shirt, that he noticed the minute specks of gold – the same colour as Magnus’ eyes – on the fabric.

After that, he had thrown himself into his ‘relationship’ with Lydia. He’d joked around, complimented her, given her loving touches on her arms, hands, shoulders, as they drove to the party. Seeing Magnus had given him the extra incentive and he had leaned forward for a chaste kiss when they’d arrived.

Now, he and Magnus were alone, for the first time in a week. “You didn’t reply to my text,” Alec blurted out then instantly regretted it. He sounded needy and stupid. “Sorry,” he muttered.

“I’m a professional, Al-” Magnus paused before continuing, “ _Alec_.” Alec had never wanted to hear his full name more than he did then. “And that text wasn’t very professional.”

“I only asked why you sent me that shirt,” he said.

“It matches your eyes,” Magnus replied, voice stiff. “Is this your sister now?”

A car pulled up near them, wheels crunching over the gravel. “By the exact shade,” Alec retorted. “And yeah, it is.”

Isabelle got out of the car, still talking to someone. “It’s not a crime to know someone’s eye colour.” Magnus stepped forward so they were standing, shoulder to shoulder. “What is Simon’s plus one called?”

“The shirt has gold on it too.” Alec watched in amusement as Simon almost fell out of the car. “Raphael, his new roommate.” Raphael followed Simon, but much more gracefully.

“It suits you.” Alec turned to Magnus with a raised eyebrow. The corner of Magnus’ mouth tugged upwards but he didn’t look at Alec. “It does. I’m not going to lie, am I? Raphael is _very_ attractive.” Magnus stepped forward, smile lighting up his face. “Isabelle Lightwood!” He exclaimed. “You look exquisite.”

“Magnus Bane,” she replied with an equal amount of genuine enthusiasm. “I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting you.” Even though she insisted that she was done playing the games of the rich and the successful, sometimes her old ways slipped through. The mannerisms, speech, the way they have to keep up a wall all the time. “This is my, uh…this is Simon.” Simon smiled, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “And his roommate-”

“Raphael, pleasure,” Magnus held out his hand.

Raphael shook it, almost hesitantly, and then looked at Simon. “Shall we go inside? I feel like their champagne will be better than the crappy one we buy,” he said. Simon laughed and nodded. Raphael walked past Magnus without as much as a backwards glance.

Alec would have laughed at the look on Magnus’ face if it wasn’t for the sudden arms that were being flung round him. “Hey, Izzy,” he said. “How are you?”

“Good, I’m great. You look good. I like the shirt.”

“You’re welcome,” Magnus said. Isabelle laughed and pulled away from her brother. “Doesn’t he look fantastic?” Alec watched in dismay as his sister’s eyes lit up, looking from Magnus’ smile to Alec’s red cheeks. She was always very intuitive.

“I don’t, really,” he muttered.

“Nonsense, Alexander.” Magnus clapped his hands together. “You really have to have more self-esteem. You’re very cute.”

“ _Cute_ ,” Alec said. “And every guy wants to be cute.”

“What do _you_ want, Alexander?” Magnus stepped closer and Alec gulped. He was in over his head with this. He felt like he couldn’t breathe properly. Isabelle was looking even more delighted than before.

“I want to, uh, get inside before, um, the, you know…” Alec gestured wildly.

“I don’t know. What do you mean?” Isabelle pursed her lips, looking like she was thinking hard.

“I mean, it’s my engagement party so-” Magnus’ face seemed to fall.

“Of course, I keep forgetting. You’d better get inside and look for your fiancée,” he said.

“Izzy? You coming?” Alec asked but she was looking at Magnus.

“After,” she dismissed him with a wave of her hand. “I really have to talk to Mr Bane here about that photoshoot in _Vogue_ where he teased at some very interesting gossip.”

Alec felt like that was a cover but he didn’t question it, hurrying back inside just as a slow song started. He should really go find Lydia and ask her for a dance but he hated dancing. He just couldn’t do it. Jace had tried to teach him once but that had just sparked a lot of insults, swearing and Jace putting on rap music every single time to ‘prank’ Alec. Clary had said that ‘ _for dancing, you just need to find the right partner_ ’ and Alec had rolled his eyes but thanked her. Right partner or not, he was not going to dance in front of a room full of people.

So instead of turning left into the main reception room, he turned right and headed up a staircase, knowing Isabelle would cover for him, as always.

 

“Alexander?”

There was only one person at this party who would call him that. Alec looked up as Magnus entered the library, eyebrow raised. “Why are you hiding out in here?”

“I’m not hiding,” Alec lied. He had retreated to the library because it was the furthest place away from the party where he could still hear what was going on. He liked that the music was muted but still audible. It made him feel like he was involved in the party without having to actually socialise. Magnus sat next to him on the loveseat.

“What’s wrong?” Magnus asked, voice soft and almost caring.

“It’s not…sometimes I feel like…Magnus, can I tell you something?” Alec didn’t wait for the reply before answering. “This wedding isn’t real. When Isabelle left this life, she started something. My parents kept saying that the family name was ruined, they refused to speak to her, started pressuring me to be perfect.” Alec felt his fists involuntarily clench. “I met Lydia and she was nice. She had many conversations with my mother and my parents came to one conclusion.”

“And so you proposed to her,” Magnus said.

Alec glanced at him. Magnus’ lips were pressed tightly together in a thin line. He looked mad. “I had to. It was for my family. My family are the most important thing to me,” Alec said. “Lydia’s a good person.”

“I know she is. I’ve known her a while. I know everyone and their secrets.”

“Really?”

“I have a very trusting face,” Magnus said. “You just confessed a secret to me.”

“I did but it’s not a huge secret,” Alec replied. He leaned back, resting his head against the back of the loveseat and looked up at the ceiling. It was beautifully painted, with little cherubs and fluffy clouds. “Would you ever get married for a reason like this?”

“No, I believe in marrying for love. Following your heart and all that.” The corner of Magnus’ mouth turned up in a smile. “Alexander, I-”

The door opened and Clary walked in, almost distracted, until she saw them. “Good, you’re here.” She gave Magnus a small polite smile before turning to Alec. “Robert’s about to make a speech. I told him you were peeing.”

“In those exact words?” Alec frowned.

“Yeah.”

Alec laughed. He never really liked Clary (more out of jealousy that she ‘stole’ Jace more than anything else) but she always stood up to the people in Jace’s life and the socialites that seemed to talk down to her, including his parents.

_“So, Clarissa, Jace says you’re an artist?” Maryse said, eyebrow raised._

_Clary nodded, smiling coolly. “Yeah, I am. You probably haven’t heard of me though.”_

_“Probably not.” Maryse laughed. “It’s not really a job that will support you. but I suppose it’s a nice hobby until you marry someone rich.”_

_Alec was about to protest when Clary laughed too. “Yes, I suppose.” Then she had stood up. “I’d better be going, Maryse, but it was a pleasure meeting you. I need to go check that my gallery opening tomorrow is all set. You should come,” she added. “It’s at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.” Maryse’s mouth had dropped open and Clary had waved. “See ya,” she said, cheerfully, before leaving._

Alec smiled at her now. “I’ll be right down,” he said. She nodded and after another smile at Magnus, she left. “I suppose we’d better go down. I’ll go first so-”

“So people don’t suspect us of doing something wildly innapropriate?” Magnus finished his sentence for him. Alec blushed and nodded. He stood up but his legs seemed to not want to co-operate. He stumbled and was about to fall when Magnus caught him. “Falling for me, Alexander?”

Alec bit his lip, hard, and felt the coppery tang of blood bubble into his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he muttered and walked out of the room.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Alec watched his phone vibrate on the desk with _J the Awesome_ as the caller ID. He really needed to change his phone password (to keep Jace out) but he always forgot what it was, unless it was a birthday and Jace guessed them easily. Right now it was Isabelle’s. He really should answer the call.

He let it ring through but then it started buzzing again and this time he picked up. “What?” He snapped.

“Alec!” Jace sounded unnaturally pleased. “Thank God you picked up.” And he sounded strange. “I need you.” His voice broke on the last word.

“Are you okay?” Alec asked but he was already standing up, discarding any pretence of doing work. “Where are you?”

“At Simon’s apartment.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, man. I came here to, uh, put up a shelf, and I just started freaking out. I don’t even know. I feel like maybe things with Clary are moving too fast? Do you think they are? I think they are.” Jace was speaking quickly, words slurring together. “I just need you to tell me that I’m being stupid. Can you come over?”

“To Simon’s apartment? Right now?” Alec said. He glanced out the window. The traffic was busy, moving along at a snail’s pace. “I can be there in half an hour. Do you want me to get there sooner or-”

“Yeah, sure, that’s okay,” Jace said. “I’ll see you soon.” He hung up and Alec rolled his eyes. Knowing Jace, this would be some stupid thing that would be resolved with a few beers and a half-assed pep talk.

 

Alec didn’t bother knocking on the front door, walking right into Simon’s apartment. Raphael and Simon were on the sofa. Simon’s eyes were glued to the TV screen, playing some video game, while Raphael was sprawled across him, and reading. “Jace is in the kitchen,” Raphael said, lazily. Alec nodded and went to the kitchen. It made sense that Jace would retreat to food in his time of need.

“You okay?” Alec asked. Jace looked up from his carton of Chinese food with a wide smile. “Oh, uh, you look…fine.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s not why I summoned you.”

“Summoned?”

“Alec Lightwood, this is an intervention.”

Alec rolled his eyes as he was shoved down into a stool. “Come on, this is stupid. What’s the intervention even about? Work? Lydia?”

“Magnus.” Alec felt his stomach drop. He looked at his lap, unable to look Jace in the eyes. He should have known this was coming. “Clary walked in on you two the other day. At the engagement party.”

“We didn’t do-”

“I know. That kind of makes it worse. If it was just a lust thing or whatever, maybe it would be okay. I’m sure Lydia hasn’t gone a year without any sex. But this isn’t a lust thing, is it?” Jace said. “Clary saw the way Magnus was looking at you. And the way you were looking at him.”

“Clary’s wrong.” Alec bit his tongue to stop himself from insulting her out loud. “There’s nothing going on between Magnus and me.” That was technically true. Nothing had happened that Jace would even call a relationship. “Look, Jace…”

“No, no, listen to _me_ , it’s really obvious that you like Magnus.” Alec opened his mouth to protest. “And don’t say that you’re not gay because I know that’s a big fat lie,” Jace added.

“How long have you-”

“Since we were fifteen, idiot.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, _oh_.” Jace rolled his eyes. “So, Magnus, huh?”

Alec sighed and looked out of the window. He wanted to go home but Lydia was at home with her friends. He’d promised that he’d stay out of the house for a while. He had been planning to spend some quality time with Jace but he didn’t think he could stand another few hours of relentless questioning. He could spend time with Isabelle but that was out of the question now, as well. He doubted Raphael would appreciate Alec invading their time together. Speaking of…Alec smiled at Simon as he came strolling into the kitchen. “Just getting a snack,” Simon said, cheerfully. “Don’t let me interrupt.”

“How’s the new roommate?” Jace said.

Simon smiled slightly before diving into a cupboard. “He’s good,” he said. “Raphael is, uh, nice, yeah, a good friend, very, uh, clean.” Alec met Jace’s eyes and they simultaneously smirked. “He buys groceries and he can cook. He’s good at, uh, what’s the name, spaghetti. Been teaching me some Spanish.”

“Better than Clary?” Alec asked.

Simon turned round, a flustered red mess. “Uh, no, course not, I mean Clary’s, y’know, Clary but Raphael is…” He trailed off and grabbed a bag of chips. “I’d better get back to my game. I left him driving round in my most expensive car.”

Alec smiled until Simon stumbled out then his smile dropped. “I’m gonna go for a walk or something. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stood up and Jace grabbed his jacket sleeve.

“It’s okay,” Jace murmured, “to like Magnus.”

“I know,” Alec replied.

“I don’t think you do.”

\---

Alec sat on the park bench, staring down at his phone.

_From Lydia [7:51pm]: its safe for you to come home, the girls are gone! There’s leftover thai takeout if you haven’t eaten yet. See you soon._

He could be curled up on the sofa, eating Thai food, and watching trashy TV shows n ten minutes but he stayed on the bench, watching the minutes slowly tick by. At exactly eight, his phone beeped with a new message.

_From Magnus [8:00pm]: Do you want to come over for a small chat?_

_From Magnus [8:00pm]: Call me, Alexander._

It only took a second before Alec dialled Magnus’ number. As soon as he picked up, though, regret made him feel sick. He couldn’t hang up now, not when Magnus had said, “Alexander?” with a thick sleepy voice.

“You wanted me to call,” he said, trying to not sound pathetic. _You wanted me to call so I called straight away even though I’ve been ignoring my fiancée for the past half hour._ It _was_ pathetic though.

“Yes, I was wondering if you’d like to come over, for a drink.” Magnus sounded so – not shy because Magnus was probably never shy – unsure that Alec couldn’t help smiling.

Alec didn’t want to hurt Magnus but he couldn’t help it. He felt guilty enough avoiding Lydia, never mind avoiding Lydia and going to have drinks with their wedding planner. “I’m sorry, Magnus,” he said. That seemed to be all he was saying to Magnus lately. “I’m on my way home,” he lied. Then he felt bad so he got up and actually started walking.

“Ah, domestic life,” Magnus said. “Early bedtimes after a night of TV and cuddling. That seems nice. Not that I would know.”

Alec bit his lip as he crossed the road, smiling at the drivers of the cars he walked past. “Maybe we could have drinks another time?” He wanted to add _and just drinks, nothing else,_ but he couldn’t make the words come out of his mouth. Anyway, saying that was like he was committing himself to those words.

“Tomorrow?” Magnus said.

Alec pushed past a crowd of people gathered around a street magician, not pausing to watch his tricks. Magic wasn’t real. Alec was cynical and that gave him a few disadvantages when it came to things like magicians and magic in general. Even as a kid, he hadn’t believed in stuff like that, leaving the imaginative stuff to Isabelle and Jace. “Tomorrow’s…” What was he doing tomorrow? It felt like there was something important. “Tomorrow’s not great either.” That was right, he was helping Clary set up her new art studio, with Simon and Isabelle. Jace was (conveniently) working.

“Playing hard to get?” Alec could almost sense the raise of the eyebrow, the knowing smirk. He stepped into his building and nodded amicably at a neighbour. He got into the elevator.

“I’m just busy,” he said. There was a soft _hmph_ from the other end of the line. “I’m not flirting, Magnus Bane,” he said.

Magnus laughed. “Don’t worry, Alexander Lightwood.” The elevator stopped and Alec got out, walking to his front door. He was just about to open the door when Magnus added, “I love a challenge.”

Magnus hung up just as Alec opened the door.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

Alec felt his heart start racing rapidly in his chest as he approached the building Magnus Bane lived in. Lydia had been so stressed out that he’d offered to run a few errands. He’d been at the gym for a few hours so he’d felt guilty. He stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor. It was much nicer than his building. The elevator was filled with mirrors, showing Alec’s from every angle. The only surface with no mirror was the floor so Alec kept his eyes trained on the marble, shuffling his feet every so often as the elevator climbed higher and higher. Finally, it stopped and Alec stepped out into a small room. He knocked on the door facing him. The knock echoed through the room, followed by a quick “one minute!” from inside the apartment. Alec waited, patiently, feeling his stomach lurch. He didn’t know if it was from nerves about seeing Magnus or leftover adrenaline.

The door swung open and Alec looked up, his eyes slowly widening. “Alexander,” Magnus said.

“I, uh, what, um,” Alec stammered. Magnus was wearing only a towel, hung loosely on his hips. His hair was wet, flattened to his head, and his face was – for once – devoid of makeup. There were still droplets of water running down his extremely muscular chest.

“I’ve just gotten out of the shower,” Magnus said.

“I’ll, uh,” Alec gestured around, wildly, “Lydia just wanted me to pick up some fabric swatches for something. I can just grab them and leave,” he said.

“Nonsense, Alexander,” Magnus said. He stepped aside and Alec took this as a hint to enter the apartment. Magnus rushed past him and opened a few cupboards, clinking glasses together and muttering to himself. Finally, he turned round. Alec was expecting fabric but instead he got a drink in his hand.

“Magnus, I really can’t stay-” Alec started to say but Magnus shushed him, shaking his head in mock dismay.

“To us,” Magnus said, softly.

“You should get dressed,” Alec replied. Normally, in locker rooms or other situations where he was faced with wet nearly-naked men, he was fine. Even when he fancied Jace as a hormone-filled teenage boy, he had never felt as nervous as he did right now. This was different, mostly because he had a chance with Magnus. Even if it was the tiniest chance.

“Why? Are you getting distracted?” Magnus raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up, Magnus.” Alec scowled.

“You look sweaty,” Magnus said.

“I was at the gym,” Alec said. He was still wearing his gym clothes (grey sweatpants and white t-shirt that he loved because they helped him blend in). He was going to shower back at home but he hadn’t had time before ending back out.

“Why don’t you shower in my bathroom?” Magnus suggested. Alec felt his face heat up and tried to force out a laugh but it got stuck in his throat. Honestly, a shower would be quite nice and anything to distract himself from Magnus’ almost-nakedness.

“Are you sure?” Alec said and Magnus nodded, running a hand through his hair. He looked almost surprised that Alec had taken up on his offer. “Um, thanks.”

“No problem.” Magnus started walking and Alec followed, trying to keep his eyes fixed firmly on the back of Magnus’ head. “So, Alexander, I don’t know if she told you but-” A door was opened and they stepped into a still steamy bathroom. “-Isabelle came round the other day to give me a talk.”

“She, uh, she didn’t tell me.” Magnus handed Alec a black fluffy towel. “What was the talk about?”

“You,” he said with some amusement in his voice. Trust Isabelle to get involved. Ever since they were kids, she always got involved with his and Jace’s personal life. Jace didn’t mind – he had nothing much to hide and he was almost as nosy as her anyway – but Alec was a very private person. He had his secrets then once she found out all those, he had another layer of secrets. She always said that the worst thing about Alec was that he didn’t tell her about his first kiss, although he got treated to every single detail of hers, from who it was to how soft their lips were.

How _could_ he tell her? His first kiss had been with a boy, a family friend’s son who was two years older than Alec and also in the closet.

Alec realised that Magnus was staring at him, the corner of his mouth tugged up into a half-smile. He hadn’t replied to Magnus’ statement. “Oh, uh, what about me?” He said but was only treated to more unnerving silence and the smile widening slightly. “I should be having a shower,” he said to cover up the tension in the air. If Isabelle was here, she’d be having heart palpitations at the way Magnus was looking at her big brother. Even Alec, who was notorious for denying everything, admitted – in his mind – that Magnus was looking at him with something close to adoration in his eyes. “I’ll get in the shower now,” he said and Magnus seemed to snap out of whatever trance he’d been in.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Magnus said. He bit his lip. “You’ve got a towel, the shower is pretty easy to use and I’ll be right outside if you…” Magnus smiled. “If you need me.”

Alec waited until Magnus had left the room before he attempted to turn the shower on. He fiddled with a few buttons and turned a dial and water sprayed out, a freezing cold downpour on his body. “By the Angel!” Alec yelled, jumping out of the way of the water and banging his back on the wall.

“Alexander?” Magnus called. “Can I come in?”

“Uh, yeah!” Magnus started laughing as soon as he came into the room. Alec caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and managed a smile. His hair was soaking, t-shirt so wet that he could have entered a wet t-shirt contest. “Your shower is _not_ easy to operate, Magnus.”

“But you look ravishing, dear,” he said. Alec glared at him until Magnus walked forward, hands moving to push Alec to the side with a flourish. “I’ll sort it out for you,” he said.

“Thanks.” Alec didn’t bother following Magnus’ fingers as he turned up the temperature. It wasn’t like he would be taking regular showers here. Magnus finished and floated back out of the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind him. Alec pulled off his clothes but this time, he tested out the warmth of the water before stepping inside. The water relaxed his muscles and sighed in relief. There was another knock on the door and Alec looked up quickly, wondering if Magnus was going to come in.

“I was just wondering if you wanted me to order in some food.”

“Why?”

“I’m hungry. You’ve just come from the gym so I bet you haven’t eaten.”

“Magnus, I’m not-”

“Staying long?” Magnus said. Alec grabbed a bottle and looked at it.

“Can I use the sandalwood body lotion?” Alec asked.

“Of course,” Magnus said. “So takeout?”

Alec thought about it for a second. What would the harm be in eating takeout with a friend? If he text Lydia, he was sure she wouldn’t mind him staying at a friend’s house. He’d done it before. After too many drinks at Jace’s. A late-night gaming session with Simon. Even a night in with Isabelle and Clary, watching movies and talking about things. And he would only be staring there for a few hours. He’d go home. “Takeout sounds great. I’m not picky.”

There was a silence and Alec finished washing himself before turning the shower off. He always took short showers, not wanting to waste time under the water. It was a luxury that he never let himself have. He never understand the long baths Jace and Isabelle would take. Both of his siblings loved bath bombs and bubbles and candles.

It took a few seconds of blindly stumbling round the fog-filled bathroom before realising that his clothes were drenched now. The sweatpants had taken the least of the water so Alec put them on, grimacing at the uncomfortable damp. He gathered up his t-shirt and underwear, screwing them up into a tight ball, and opened the door. “Magnus?” He called out. There was no reply but he could hear a muted voice. “Can I borrow some clothes? Mine are too wet to wear,” he added and Magnus came almost running round the corner, still on the phone.

Magnus looked him up and down then pouted. _Tease_ , he mouthed with a flicker of a smile. “That’s all, yeah,” Magnus said into the phone. He hung up. “My closet is in my bedroom but our physique is quite different. You’re taller than me. Maybe I can lend you some underwear and a top while I dry out your pants.”

“You’re expecting me to just wear underpants when I’m walking around your apartment?” Alec said but he couldn’t really complain. It was better than nothing. “Where’s your bedroom?”

“Words I never thought would come out of your mouth.” Magnus shook his head in disbelief and pointed to a closed door. “Through there. I trust you can find the closet?”

Alec nodded and walked into the room. The closet was huge, bursting with clothes and shoes. There were even hats lined up on shelves. He sifted through the tops before finding a vaguely plain shirt, only buttoning it up halfway. He felt more awkward looking for underwear but, thankfully, it was relatively easy to find. He pulled on a plain black pair and came out of the closet, checking his appearance in the mirror. His hair was still soaked, Magnus’ shirt just a bit too small so it was clinging to him and long muscled legs not even covered up. At home, he always wore pyjamas or something that would cover him up when lounging around. It felt weird to wear so little in Magnus’ apartment.

Alec wandered into the living room, looking at all the details and artwork he hadn’t seen before. Magnus was sat on the sofa, a cat in his arms. He was wearing clothes now, silk pyjama bottoms and top. “Alexander, you look positively radiant. And you smell beautiful.”

Alec blushed and sat down, not immediately beside Magnus but close enough to be able to stroke the cat. “Who’s this?” He asked.

“Chairman Meow,” Magnus replied. Alec laughed. “What?”

“I wouldn’t think you would have called a cat _Chairman Meow_ ,” Alec said, barely concealing a smile. “When’s the food coming?”

“Ten minutes.” Magnus turned to him. “Where are your clothes?”

“Oh,” Alec frowned as he tried to remember where he’d left them. “On the bed, I think. Sorry.”

“No problem. I like attractive men leaving their clothes in my bedroom.” Alec laughed again. He felt his heart fluttering in his chest when Magnus leaned forward, his lips parted slightly. Alec knew what was happening and he knew that Magnus – despite his apparent professionalism – was attempting to seduce Alec. Well, not just attempting.

“I feel like such an idiot wearing these,” Alec said with a sigh. “Lydia’s going to wonder why I’m wearing different clothes.”

“How about you stay the night?” Magnus asked. He seemed to sense Alec’s hesitation because he added, “I have a spare bedroom.”

“I’ll have to ask Lydia.” Alec was about to look for his phone when he remembered. His phone had been in his pants, the pants which had gotten wet. “Magnus, can I use your phone to text Lydia?” Magnus handed it over but he was unusually quiet, not making any comments.

_To Lydia [6:33pm]: its alec, went over to magnus’ apartment and i decided to stay over for takeout food and a chat. got work tomorrow afternoon so i’ll be back in morning._

Alec gave the phone back and Magnus scanned the message, his expression unchanging. “Hold Chairman and I’ll pour us some wine,” he said. Alec took the cat and it licked him, tongue rough. “Oh, he likes you,” he said. “I never date anyone Chairman doesn’t like.” Alec smiled as the cat curled up into a ball on his lap. He’d always wanted a pet. A dog would be ideal but having a dog in a New York apartment would be mean. Cats were cute.

Alec watched Magnus pour red wine into two glasses; all of his moves were so elegant, like he was dancing. Then there was a knock on the front door. “Must be the food,” Alec said, getting up. Chairman Meow fell off his lap, growling indignantly. Alec forgot about the fact that he was barely clothed, forgot about the fact that Magnus was humming along to some song, forgot about everything as he opened the door and was faced with Jace, Isabelle, Clary, Simon and Raphael.

“Well,” Jace said, smirking, “isn’t this a nice surprise?”


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

Alec almost stumbled backwards. This looked bad. This looked really bad. He was wearing basically _nothing_ and Magnus was making them drinks and all his friends were staring at him like they were waiting for answers he couldn’t give.

Isabelle walked into the apartment, giving Magnus a little wave. He was leaning against the wall, jaw clenched as he stirred his drink with his finger. “W-what are you doing here?” Alec managed to stammer out as they all filed into the apartment. There was no reasonable excuse for what he was doing. What they were doing. He and Magnus. It wasn’t like they’d been caught in a compromising position but this was much worse. This screamed domesticity.

“A better question is why are _you_?” Clary said.

“I’m not allowed to visit a friend?” Alec asked.

“That’s what we’re doing.”

Chairman Meow hissed as Jace walked past. Alec looked at Magnus with a quiet desperation. _Do something,_ he thought, _throw them out or talk, just do something_. “We wanted to talk to you and Lydia said you were at Magnus’,” Isabelle said. “So we decided to come over and-” she stopped her sentence there but he knew what she was going to say. Stop him doing anything he’d regret. “Simon and Raphael were in the area, eating sushi, so we invited them.”

“As much as I enjoy seeing you all,” Magnus said, speaking finally, “may I enquire why you couldn’t just wait until morning to talk to Alexander?”

Jace smiled and sat down, still trying to stroke Chairman Meow to no avail. “I know my brother, Magnus,” he said. “I know that he wouldn’t last a night here…with you.”

Alec flushed and shut the front door. Magnus was trying to catch his eye with a series of complicated hand gestures behind everyone’s back but he steadily ignored him. “I’m a big boy, Jace,” he said. Magnus – for lack of a better word – chortled but shut up when Alec scowled at him. He wasn’t mad, just a bit crushed that this night had been stolen from him. He hadn’t realised how much he’d been looking forward to this Magnus-centred event until it had slipped through his fingers.

“Well, we can’t leave now,” Isabelle said. “Summer storm,” she explained. Alec looked out the window and saw that a ferocious storm was raging outside. It was like the thunder and lightning had materialized from nowhere, summoned for a handy excuse. He had probably been too enamoured with Magnus and the supposed seduction to care. “They’re not your clothes.”

“I couldn’t wear mine.” Alec let himself go to the fact that they wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon and resumed his old position with Chairman Meow on his lap. Magnus sat down beside him. Unfortunately they’d left a person-sized gap between them. More specifically, a Jace-sized gap. The blonde sat between them, grinning wickedly. Alec felt the sudden need to cover himself up but he knew that if he made his movements too obvious, Jace would pounce and start teasing him about something. Alec leaned forward. “Magnus, you think that the food will still come?”

“The place I ordered it from are _very_ resilient,” Magnus said. He sipped at his drink and watched with narrowed eyes as Simon walked into a statue. “Rain or shine, they’ll deliver.”

“Much like assassins,” Simon said. Only Raphael laughed. “At least _someone_ appreciates my humour.” Jace snorted at that and Alec smirked in response. Simon was definitely blind to Raphael’s fairly obvious feelings.

“So,” Clary said, “how long have you two been-” She frowned. “-friends?”

“Since Magnus started planning Alec’s wedding, presumably,” Isabelle said. Her accent was heavy with Spanish, like it often was when she got mad. Alec tried to avoid her hard-eyed stare but he could feel the anger radiating off of her. They all fell silent although Jace and Clary seemed to be having a heated (but silent) argument, eyes widening at each other, smiling slightly or frowning.

Eventually, Magnus cleared his throat. “Drinks?” He offered.

“Drinks sound good,” Alec leapt on the opportunity to break the tension. “Uh, I’ll help you? Simon, how about you, uh, I don’t know, tell us what’s happening on the Star Wars front?”

“Please, God, no,” Jace said. He stood up, long arms flying around as he stretched over-enthusiastically. “We could play a game? Charades? Monopoly?” He raised a perfectly plucked (Jace was surprisingly low-key manicured, if it was just a plucked eyebrow or whitened teeth or polished but not painted nails) eyebrow. “Twister?”

“I think I do have Twister around here somewhere,” Magnus looked oddly interested.

“ _Please, God, no_ ,” Clary mimicked her boyfriend’s voice with a smile. “Come on, I am _not_ playing Twister with you guys.”

“There are too many guys here,” Simon added. His eyes drifted to Isabelle. Now Raphael now looked even more irate than Isabelle. “Unless you could invite some friends?”

“I’m not letting them meet you, not in a million years,” Isabelle replied. “I’m sure Meliorn would love to play, though.”

Magnus laughed. “I’d love for him to play, as well. Some people, Simon, don’t have a problem with lots of guys in strange positions, almost falling on top of them. I thought you would be one of them.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Simon looked affronted and Raphael shook his head in despair.

There was a knock on the door and Alec jumped up, desperately. “I’ll get it,” he said.

“Clearly.” Magnus sounded amused.

Alec opened the door and the delivery boy almost dropped the bag of food when he saw Alec’s state of undress. “Uh, sorry,” Alec muttered. He _really_ needed to start assessing if he was dressed appropriately or not before he opened doors. “Thanks,” he added when he was handed the food. It smelled delicious. He hadn’t realised how hungry he was, stomach growling. “Do I, uh, need to, Magnus, do I need to pay or-”

“Already paid and tipped,” Magnus said. “I really need to give you lessons on technology and online payment.”

Alec sighed and watched the delivery boy leave before shutting the door behind him. “I know about technology,” he said. Isabelle gave a little laugh. “Shut up, Izzy.”

“You shut up and open up the food. I’m starving,” Isabelle said, seemingly more cheerful now that the food had arrived.

“Good thing I ordered lots,” Magnus said. “I didn’t know what Alexander would like so…” He gestured to the bursting bag. “Eat up.”

 

 

Three hours, a lot of alcohol and one tense game of Cluedo later, Alec was lying on Magnus’ bed, Isabelle’s arm draped over his stomach and Magnus lying beside him, writing words in the air. “That said…” Alec watched Magnus write the words again. “I don’t know, um, oh, kitten?”

“Yes!” Magnus said. “Your turn.” Alec felt too drunk to be functioning properly but Magnus sounded fine, despite his eyes being bright and his smile never fading from his face. Alec drew a letter in the air. “I.” And a word. “Like.” Another word. “You.”

“Are you declaring your love, Mr Bane?” Alec asked then started giggling to himself. He felt all fuzzy and weird. Like everything was blurry around the edges but Magnus, Magnus, Magnus was startlingly clear. “Why’s the room blurry?”

“Because you’re drunk, Alexander.”

Alec giggled again. “Why do you always call me Alexander?”

“You’re full of questions tonight, aren’t you?” Alec grabbed Magnus’ hand. It was warm and soft and it made him laugh even more. “Maybe I should get you drunk more often. You’re certainly much more open. You’ll be very hungover in the morning.”

“You can make me hangover cures.”

“Mm, perfected over hundreds of years,” Magnus said. “Family recipe.”

Alec smiled and squeezed Magnus’ hand. “What did Izzy say to you before? I saw you two wh…” he hiccupped. “Whispering. When I came in the kitchen, you stopped and she looked really strange. Really strange.”

“She was warning me,” Magnus said. “To not break your heart or she will break me. The usual protective little sister speech, you know,” he said.

Alec laughed again. The thought of his sister threatening Magnus. She would have had that impressively scary scowl on her face, cheeks mottled with red, and Magnus would be looking at her, eyes wide with fear. In his head, the mental image began to blur, like everything else was doing. “Goodnight, Magnus.”

“Goodnight, Alexander.”


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Alec woke up with a hangover and two people sleeping in the same bed as him. Jace would have called this a sure sign of a good night but Alec was just confused. He recognised the mass of dark hair as Isabelle but he couldn’t quite remember who the man sleeping on his chest was. There was dark hair, streaked with red, and he could see an ear, pierced and studded with many earrings. Alec was slowly getting up, careful not to wake the sleeping stranger, when he realised _who_ the supposed stranger was. _Magnus_. The realisation sent him flopping back onto the bed, stomach heavy with guilt. Last night was still a little foggy.

_The game of Twister finished when Jace collapsed on Alec. His head rested on Alec’s thigh, big eyes looking up at him. “Hey, babe,” he said and Alec scowled, pushing him off._

_“Guess this means I win,” Raphael said, smoothly standing up. He had the agility of a cat. Or as Simon kept jokingly saying ‘as a vampire’. “What’s my prize?”_

_“Victory sex?” Jace suggested. Clary threw a pillow at him but he just caught it, laughing. Everyone could then see how Raphael’s eyes flickered to Simon, who was already staring at him, and Raphael smiled, slowly, and Simon went bright red and then Raphael was giving him sex-eyes that angels would be jealous of and Simon was choking on his drink._

_“Oh dear,” Magnus said, lips pursed. “New drink?” He glanced at Alec with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. “How about we all have new drinks?”_

_“We could play a drinking game,” Isabelle said, her eyes lighting up. All the former anger seemed to have dissipated, leaving only her smile and the stupid looks she kept giving Alec whenever Magnus even went near him. Which wasn’t as much as Alec wanted because it seemed like there were always too many people around to keep them apart._

“Alec?”

He looked up from his position on the bed and saw Clary standing in the doorway, wearing Jace’s shirt. “Oh, morning,” he said, sitting up without thinking. Magnus murmured, sleepily, and opened one eye.

“We made breakfast, if you want some,” Clary said. She looked at Magnus with a smile and then left, leaving the door open and light streaming into the dimly lit room.

“I’m, uh, gonna get some breakfast,” Alec said, his heart racing at the mere sight of Magnus’ messy hair and smudged eyeliner. He looked like he’d just woken up after a one night stand. “Do you want me to get you anything?”

“I’ll come,” Magnus said. He got out of bed and then looked at Alec. “You look nice first thing in the morning.”

“Shut up,” Alec said but he was smiling. He got out of the bed, making sure Isabelle was covered by blankets. He followed the amazing smell and ended up in the kitchen, staring at the assortment of food. Bacon, pancakes, eggs, waffles, toast, fruit and…”Is that Chairman Meow?” Jace laughed. “You don’t have to laugh every single time I say Chairman Me-”

“Alexander, it might be wise if you don’t finish that sentence,” Magnus said. He reached over and picked up its cat, burying his face into its fur. “Little cutie,” he mumbled. “My precious little kitty cat, my baby, Magnus has got a hangover, hasn’t he?” He looked up, noticing Alec’s astonished expression and Jace’s barely concealed smile. “Yes, I love my cat.”

 

 

“It’s really beautiful,” Lydia said. Alec looked at the huge chandelier hovering above them, sparkling with jewels of every kind. “What era is it from?”

“It is an exact replica of one that was on the Titanic,” Magnus said. His face was lit up with passion as he spoke. In the two hours they’d been touring the possible wedding venues, Alec had learnt two things. One: Magnus loved architecture and two: Alec hated it. He’d had enough of learning about stained glass windows and weather vanes and who built what when. Magnus supplied them with a never-ending stream of facts throughout the tours but Alec stopped paying attention ten minutes in. He just made sure Magnus wasn’t mentioning the other night. It had been two days since the late night Twister session and since then they’d been exchanging texts like two lovesick teenagers. Or, at least that’s what Simon called them. Alec had retaliated by repeating what Jace had told him. About the moans coming from the guest bedroom Simon and Raphael had disappeared into, claiming they were ‘tired’.

“Alexander, careful.” A hand whipped out and grabbed his shirt, yanking him back and stopping him from walking into an antique jug on a wooden table. “That costs a million dollars and was handcrafted by Genghis Khan himself.”

“Seriously?” Alec frowned.

“Course not.” Magnus laughed. “It’s a one of kind by William Herondale, a Victorian artist. Apparently he was inspired by his best friend, Jem.” Alec looked at the jug more closely. It wasn’t particularly great.

“I’m going to look at the bedrooms,” Lydia said. Magnus nodded and she tottered off in her too-tall high heels. She’d been complaining about them all morning but when Alec had suggested that she wear something comfier, she’d just glared at him.

“Bedrooms, mm, brings back memories,” Magnus said, voice soft. Alec looked at him, startled. They hadn’t talked about anything close to personal since Alec was drunkenly telling Magnus that he liked him. Their texts (Alec deleted most of them, feeling like a cheating fiancé, even if he wasn’t cheating at all) had been friendly, bordering on flirty but never crossing that line. “How about another round of that game?”

“Twister?”

“No, the one you insisted we play, where you write words in the air and confess your feelings so you don’t have to say them out loud.”

There was a deadly silence. “Magnus…” He bit his lip. This was becoming a habit. Not just biting his lip to stop himself saying something bad, but having his emotions ripped out of their hiding place and examined by the one person he didn’t want to know about his emotions. “You have no idea how I feel.” Magnus smirked and that set Alec off. “It’s okay for you but me…I’m taking risks even being friends with you. My life is different from yours. You can swan around and wear glitter and be adventurous because you don’t have to take risks-”

“I don’t have to take risks?” Magnus raised an eyebrow, smirk gone completely now. “All I do is take risks. I am in the same social circles you are, Alec. I have worked hard to be respected, despite my sexuality. I suggest you try and do the same.”

With that, Magnus turned and walked out of the room, leaving Alec gazing forlornly at the stupid jug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've gone back to school after a two week holiday so i won't be posting every day anymore, sadly. i've made myself a schedule though and i should be posting a new chapter on monday and saturday. also, thank you for all the comments and love for this! 
> 
> disclaimer: all characters belong to cassandra clare.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Isabelle cooking was always a bad idea. Isabelle hosting a dinner party? A certain disaster.

Alec sat on the kitchen stool, watching his sister throw spices haphazardly into a frying pan. It looked dangerous but he didn’t dare question her methods. Isabelle had a knack for following a recipe perfectly but her meals never came out quite right, always a little bit off. When they turned eighteen, their mother had taught Jace and Alec how to cook. Jace was surprisingly good at baking and Alec excelled in cooking actual meals. Determined, even back then, to not follow in Maryse’s footsteps, Isabelle had refused lessons, claiming that she had more important things to do. Those important things turned out to be fighting classes and a college senior called Meliorn. When they all moved out, Alec had attempted to teach Isabelle how to cook but it had never quite worked out properly.

“ _Alec_ ,” Isabelle said as the sauce began to bubble wildly. “Help, help, help.”

“Just turn the heat down,” he said.

She fiddled with the dials on the oven for a few seconds before she turned the heat down successfully. She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks,” she said. “So, everyone else will be arriving soon.”

“Who is everyone else?” Alec frowned. He knew that Jace and Clary were coming but Isabelle hadn’t specified who else was making up the dinner party. “Don’t tell me that you’re back together with Meliorn.”

“N- _no_ ,” Isabelle said, turning her back on him to grab the bottle of wine. Alec rolled his eyes. Her on-off relationship with Meliorn was the stuff of nightmares. She’d broken up with him a week ago but they never stayed broken up for long. That was half the problem. The other half was that they never stayed together long either.

“I wish you’d find a nice guy,” he said. “Someone who’s nice and respectful, who takes you out to dinner once a week and doesn’t cheat on you.”

“Mel’s just really passionate,” she replied. “He’s an _artist_.”

“That’s not an excuse, Izzy. He doesn’t get to sleep with other girls because he speaks like a pretentious asshole and he splashes paint onto a canvas every once in a while.” Alec felt the overwhelming need to make Isabelle see sense. His love life – the little that he had – had been sucked into a black hole of misery and that made him even more determined to make other people happy. In the last week, since his fight with Magnus, he’d worked hard, acted the part of a doting husband and been the best brother and friend anyone could ask for.

He’d helped Jace on a few cases, even venturing out into the field, further than a crime scene or a simple interrogation. He’d chased some wayward teenage criminal down a street, adrenaline pumping through his veins and the thrill of the chase making his heart pound for hours afterwards. That night, he’d gone home and his excitement had been abated by the sight of Lydia examining flowers for her bouquet. That wasn’t what he wanted life to be like. He wanted to come home and eat takeout with his partner, swapping stories, with the golden rush in his blood not fading until late that night, curled up in bed and feeling at ease. Lydia was a good person but she wasn’t even close to someone he’d want to spend the rest of his life with.

“Alec?”

Alec realised he’d been drifting again, his thoughts twisting out of his control. He offered up an apologetic smile but Isabelle just looked sad. Sad and small. She looked like a little kid again, tugging on his sleeve and telling him that she’d broken something and then he and Jace would help cover for her, often taking the blame.

“Are you okay, Izzy?” He asked. He shouldn’t have to ask that question.

“No.” And she shouldn’t have to give that answer.

“If Meliorn _ever_ hurts you, tell me and I swear to God I’ll…I won’t just break his legs, I’ll burn his precious vintage motorbike with some ‘vintage’ flames.” Alec scowled.

“I’m not sad about Meliorn.” Alec raised an eyebrow. “I’m sad about you,” she answered his silent question and his heart plummeted.

“Oh.”

“I wish you didn’t have to do this.” Alec was about to ask what but then her long nail tapped on the silver bracelet Lydia had given him, as a symbol of their engagement. “It’s stupid. Why can’t you marry for love?”

He didn’t know. His sense of duty was too strong to let himself live his own life. He was too scared of doing the wrong thing and then forever paying the repercussions. _What if the wrong thing is marrying Lydia?_ But what if it isn’t? “Magnus said that,” he remembered. “Well, he said something of the sort. Said he believed in marrying for love.”

“Good,” Isabelle said. “Maybe he can change your view, then.”

“If you can’t, why do you think he will be able to?”

Isabelle just smiled. “I don’t know. Just a small sliver of hope, I guess.”

Alec was about to reply when he noticed the acrid smell rising from the oven. “Izzy, the food is burning!”

 

 

“That looks delicious,” Clary said, her eyes wide as Isabelle served up the chicken and rice, drowned in a rich yellow sauce.

“Thanks,” Isabelle said but her cheeks went red. Alec caught Jace’s eye from across the table and they both smiled. After the original meal had burnt, they’d had to improvise with ordered food and Alec cooking the other half of the new meal. Of course, that was their deadly secret. His eyes slid from Jace to Magnus and his smile soured. Apart from the initial fake pleasantries, Magnus was making no secret of the fact that he was mad at Alec.

_The doorbell rung and Alec hastened to the door to see who the mystery guests were. Clary was already here, flicking through old photo albums, whilst Jace secretly helped Isabelle out in the kitchen. He flung it open, not at all surprised to see Raphael and Simon, huddling together, like they couldn’t bear to tear themselves away from each other. “Hi,” Alec said, “come on in.”_

_They walked in, briefly breaking apart so Simon could hug Clary (Raphael looking on with a jealous scowl) then they sat down together, curling up into each other, Simon’s hand placed lightly on Raphael’s leg, Raphael’s fingers trailing down Simon’s neck. They talked to Clary but they were also whispering to one another like the world didn’t exist with only the quiet happiness people in love achieved._

“Maybe we could set you up with someone from work, right, Al?” Jace said.

Alec nodded, enthusiastically. “There’s that guy…uh, Will? He’s the sketch artist in the precinct.”

“William, huh?” Magnus smiled. His hair was streaked with blue today, the same cobalt blue as the shirt Isabelle had bought Alec. “Does he make pottery, by any chance?”

“Jugs?” Alec returned the smile.

“Shouldn’t let you walk into them,” Magnus quipped and they both laughed, quietly, oblivious to the strange looks the others were giving them.

_Alec was the unofficial doorman, swinging the door open with a wide smile as there was another knock. “H-” he began to greet the final guest but stopped when he saw who it was. Magnus. “I didn’t-”_

_“I suppose Isabelle kept it quiet,” Magnus said. “I have no qualms about being here with you. We are friends, after all.”_

_“Friends, uh, yeah, yeah.” Alec stepped back and allowed the other man to enter, closing the door behind him. “Dinner’s in ten minutes.”_

_“I came in perfect time, then.”_

_Alec nodded. “Uh, there’s wine over there.” Magnus was looking at Simon now, who was watching Raphael with an adoring gaze. “Boyfriends,” Alec said, seeming to startle Magnus, who turned to him with a confused expression. “They’re dating now.”_

_“Oh, it was only a matter of time. I suppose I’d better greet the host. It was nice to see you, Alec.”_

_And the loss of his full name, of that sense of familiarity, sent Alec spiralling back towards the half-depression he’d been in since the argument._

“There’s no point being depressed over a guy,” Clary said.

“You can’t tell me you’ve never had a late night ice-cream session,” Jace said, mockingly.

“When I break up with someone-”

“Or when they break up with you,” Simon interjected. She shot him a poisonous look and he shrugged. “Remember Daniel Duke? Senior year?”

A look of disgust passed over both of their faces as they muttered, “ _asshole_ ” at the same time.

“Anyway,” Clary continued. “When I break up with someone, I lock myself in my art studio, put on my headphones, play my break-up playlist and paint until the sun rises. Then I come out and grab a coffee, text Simon and I’m fine.”

“My process involves a lot more punching,” Isabelle said. “I generally sneak into the gym – I mean it’s technically not sneaking because I know the night security guy and I work there – and I beat up things until the sun rises.”

“I cuddle with Chairman,” Magnus offered and Alec’s heart melted, despite Jace’s scoff. “What?” Magnus said, glaring at the blonde.

“People don’t really buy this whole ‘I’m a cute romantic and I’m utterly devoted to my cat but I’m also very hot’ act, do they?” Jace asked.

“Evidently, they do,” Magnus said. Despite himself, Alec looked at him and Magnus winked. Alec quickly took a large amount of interest in the pattern on the plates but he could feel curious stares burning holes into him. He let the conversation move on to something else before he looked up, again. Magnus was animatedly telling a story.

Alec waited even longer, until Simon had finally finished his chocolate cake, before speaking up. “Does anyone want coffees?” He stood up, folding up his napkin as he did.

“Mm, that sounds great,” Isabelle said. “Mags, why don’t you help?”

“Mags?” Jace snorted.

It took a few seconds for Alec to realise that _Mags_ was Magnus. For some reason, the thought of Isabelle and Magnus being friends was a daunting prospect. His little sister meddled enough without having open access to his and Magnus’ maybe-relationship. “Of course I’ll help,” Magnus said, smiling.

“Uh, let’s, uh, who, um,” Alec stammered. He tripped over his chair on his way to kitchen, really hoping that no-one had noticed. Of course, the sound of Jace’s laughter followed him. Jace _always_ seemed to notice stupid things like that. He started making the coffee, hoping that the motions would help get rid of the blush on his cheeks and the pounding of his heart as Magnus stood behind him, leaning against the counter.

“Alexander, we haven’t spoken in a while,” Magnus said. “I’ve missed you.”

“You shouldn’t miss me,” Alec said. He poured out the coffee and clutched the cups. The heat burnt his hands but it was a welcome distraction from the tightness of his stomach.

“Alexander, you’re going to get burns,” Magnus said, warningly, hand grabbing Alec’s shoulder.

“I’m fine.” However, he took his hands off the heated mugs and looked at the hand on his shoulder. “ _Mags_.”

“Shut up,” he said. Then he took his hand away. “Our fight…about us. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this passionate about anyone You…you’ve unlocked something in me.” Alec felt all the words he could be saying get stuck in his throat as he just stared at Magnus. “Please say something or this will be quite awkward.”

“Magnus, I-”

The door opened and Alec jumped away from Magnus like he’d been scalded. “Oh, hey, um, Raphael just wanted a biscuit.” Simon grabbed the cookie jar and then, after a grin at them, left. Alec grabbed the coffees, ignoring the pain again – he could deal with a little pain and, anyway, it grounded him – and quickly began leaving the kitchen and leaving Magnus behind.

 

 

“Are Magnus and Alec-” Raphael paused, searching for a word to describe what they could be.

“Dating?” Simon asked. Raphael nodded. “No, not really, I don’t think, but Izzy says they like each other. It’s just difficult with the wedding and all.”

Clary leaned over to join in their conversation. “Magnus told me that Alec said that he liked him. But I don’t think I was supposed to tell you. Just don’t tell him.”

“Magnus likes Alec,” Isabelle contributed.

“He does?” Jace raised an eyebrow. “Since when?”

“Just because you’re clueless, Jonathon Christopher,” Clary teased, “doesn’t mean everyone else is.”

Then Alec came into the dining room again, holding the coffee. They all shut up, instead pretending they were discussing new movies. Magnus followed soon after and Raphael, biting down onto his biscuit with a frown, noticed the tears in his eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

Alec was bursting with apologies, the words all carefully planned out in his mind, but when he came to texting Magnus, his mind went blank and he ended up sending a one word message.

_To Magnus [9:32am]: hey_

_From Magnus [9:32am]: good morning, alexander._

The reply was almost instantaneous, like Magnus had been waiting by his phone. Alec sighed and looked out of the apartment window, feeling the exhaustion in his body that no amount of coffee could get rid of. Caffeine – for once – wasn’t the solution. Getting rid of the guilt caused by essentially breaking Magnus’ heart (or what little piece of it Alec hoped he had) was the solution, obviously, but it was harder than it sounded. When he’d told Isabelle his plan, she’d told him to apologise. Then Clary had said that just _“sorry”_ wasn’t good enough and that he had to do something capital-R Romantic. He’d scowled at her until Simon had rattled off a dozen movie clichés and one grabbed his attention. Texting. It seemed simple enough to flirt with Magnus over text, to apologise over text, because it saved him from having to do it face-to-face and risk messing it up. Alec could be more heartfelt over text, anyway, when he didn’t have to worry about his voice breaking or having a panic attack.

_To Magnus [9:34am]: i know that i can’t possibly expect you to forgive me for what i said the other week. i know that you take risks. so many risks, in order to be who you are. i’m the coward who can’t step out of his comfort zone. and at izzy’s dinner party, you told me how you felt and i just left, with no regard for your feelings, and i shouldn’t have done that. izzy told me that i hurt you and that’s inexcusable._

_To Magnus [9:35am]: the truth is, magnus, i care about you._

_To Magnus [9:42am]: magnus?_

_From Magnus [9:46am]: Alexander, if you were any other person, I would not allow your treatment of me to continue. The fighting, the coldness…and yes, you did hurt me. But it’s not any other person, it’s you, and I care about you too. But you have your reputation to think about, your family, Lydia._

_To Magnus [9:46am]: it’s like i had a plan for my life and you came along and you pushed me off that path._

_From Magnus [9:52am]: I need to see you, Alexander._

_To Magnus [9:52am]: tell me when and where._

 

Alec looked in the mirror, wondering who had chosen the white tuxedo for the wedding – Lydia or Magnus. Either option seemed plausible but the thought of Magnus looking through wedding suits, making sure to pick one that would suit Alec, made him want to throw up. The small changing room suddenly seemed suffocating and he hastened to exit, trying to remember how to breathe.

“Alec? You alright?” Jace was next to him, instantly, hand curling round Alec’s wrist. He turned to one of the hovering assistants. “Can we have a glass of water please? With ice?” He sat Alec down, frowning. “Are you okay?”

“F-fine,” Alec stammered. His phone lit up with a message and before he could grab it, Jace was staring down at it.

“Magnus?”

“Jace,” Alec said, softly, but his adopted brother was already reading the message. He had quirked an eyebrow, expression unreadable. Alec liked to imagine that he was annoyed, mad, that he was about to yell at Alec for messing around like this, weeks before his wedding, but the truth was, Jace wouldn’t do that. Jace wouldn’t be mad, he’d pity Alec, and Alec hated pity. He was being pitied far too much lately, for the situation he’d gotten himself into.

“Alexander,” he said, imitating Magnus’ voice with surprising accuracy, “I can’t wait until this afternoon to tell you. I like you more than I have liked anyone in a long time but-” Jace paused and Alec sucked in a deep breath. “But Lydia is a good person,” he said, in his normal voice.

Alec exhaled. “It’s a solid partnership,” he said, more to remind himself than anything else. It would have worked but his voice cracked on the word _partnership_. Jace’s mouth was moving slightly, forming the words, as he – presumably- read all of that morning’s conversation.

“Alec…” Jace looked sadder than Alec had ever seen him look before. The pout, wide eyes, flushed cheeks; it all turned Jace back into the crying ten year old whose fish had died. Jace had always wanted a falcon, after being taken to some show with their parents and Robert had almost given in to him but Maryse had insisted that Jace would never be able to look after a falcon. After many tantrums, a week where Jace didn’t eat (Alec sneaked food up to his room all week) and the incident where Jace had taken a friend’s guinea pig home, hidden in his pocket, Maryse had caved in and suggested that they give it a test run with a fish. Jace had named it Church and he adored it. He bought it a tank and about a million things for its tank. Then, one morning, he woke up and it was floating, belly up, in the tank. It had lasted three days.

“It doesn’t matter, Jace. I’m marrying Lydia.”

“And you’re meeting your wedding planner for a _date_ in two hours.”

“It’s not a date.” He knew that Jace was going to protest so he carried on talking. “How long have you known about-”

“You being gay?” Jace asked and Alec nodded, stomach clenching despite the easy way Jace had said it. Everyone was so blasé about it and Alec still felt like it was a bad thing to be, even a bad word to say. His upbringing had ruined that for him, crushed that one piece of his identity that he thought would always be his. “A long time,” he said. “But I…Alec, you don’t have to marry Lydia.”

“Mom and Dad-”

“They’re idiots, if they think that denying you happiness is what’s best for you,” Jace said. “Marriage should be about more than honour. It shouldn’t be a _sacrifice_ , for God’s sake.”

“It should be about love?” Alec made a face and Jace smiled.

“I’m guessing people have been saying that to you a lot lately,” he said. He scanned Alec, examining the white suit. “Nice. You look good. Does it fit?”

“I guess but-”

“Good. Can we leave? The flowers are making my nose itch.”

 

 

Jace had sent Alec off with strict instructions to text him what happens with Magnus. Of course, the moment Alec sat down in the café a few minutes before one, his phone buzzed with a few messages from Isabelle. He briefly scanned them, all of them were comforting messages and then a photo of her, Simon and Raphael baking; she was pouting as the other two kissed behind her, unaware of the photo being taken. He always thought that Isabelle and Simon would end up together, the secretive smiles, the casual touching, the inside jokes…but he had been wrong and Simon seemed happy with Raphael.

Alec began to wonder if there was something wrong with him. He was meeting the man he liked in a café. That should be simple. But he was engaged to a _woman_ and the man he liked was his _wedding planner_ and they were meeting his fiancée after their coffee – to pick out name cards of all things. One of those name cards would say _Magnus Bane_ , probably one at the top table, only a few chairs down from him.

Maybe being with Magnus just wasn’t in the cards.

No sooner had he thought that, the door opened, Alec looked up and felt his heart quicken, just like it had at the first meeting, and like then, his chest burned as he forgot to breathe. Never had he felt like his before, not even when seeing Magnus. This…this desperate internal attack, betrayed by his own body, was only because Alec had realised how much he _wanted_ to be with Magnus. He suddenly looked…more. Maybe he’d gotten a haircut or he was wearing new clothes or he had done his makeup differently but something was different. His smile was brighter, aimed at Alec in such a terrible way that he thought that maybe he was dying. Magnus made it harder to breathe but the sight of him cleared Alec’s head so that all he could think about was the here and now and worries were discarded, along with his morals.

Over the past few days, Alec had found himself writing Magnus’ name on everything with his fingers. It helped him relax, tracing the letters over and over again. On tables, on his leg, on the rough draft of his vows. His vows were terrible, stilted and jolting. The only time he could truly write was when writing about Magnus, replacing his name with Lydia’s. Eventually, he had slipped up, writing _I love his glittery clothes_ and _he says my full name and it makes the whole world feel like it’s collapsing_ , and he’d given up, storing those vows away in a locked drawer, feeling now familiar guilt wash over him.

“Alexander,” Magnus said, stood above Alec so he had to look up at him. He felt quite faint all of a sudden.

“Magnus,” he tried to say but it came out more like a reverent whisper, like he was praying to him, this magnificent god. Magnus sat down, his hands resting on the table, drumming a beat impatiently. _Does he think of me when he wakes up in the morning like I do him?_ Alec thought, trying not to stare but doing nothing but staring, caught up in his lips and eyes and even the delicate skin of his neck. A small tattoo was visible under the collar of Magnus’ shirt that he hadn’t noticed before and he started to think that he didn’t know Magnus at all. Then he banished those thoughts from his head, replacing them with a single response, _but I want to get to know him_.

“Alexander, I trust you received my message,” Magnus said. Alec nodded, dumbly, in reply. He couldn’t speak, scared that any word would be followed by a sob. “I think you should marry Lydia.”

“Was I not going to already?” Alec asked.

Magnus chuckled. “If you feel about me the way I feel about you…you were re-considering your ‘duty’.” He said the word mockingly but there was some heaviness behind his words. Magnus had a sense of duty to his clients. He had to make sure the wedding went ahead.

“She’s kind, pretty, caring, hardworking,” Alec said.

“Exactly.”

“She’d make a good wife.”

“She would.”

“Magnus, I really like you.” Alec paused. “But I’m sorry.”

Two minutes ago, he was thinking about Magnus in ways that definitely weren’t purely platonic and now he was breaking both of their hearts. Isabelle and Jace’s face popped up in his mind, disappointed and sad. He imagined Isabelle yelling, harsh words just slipping out, Jace would be quiet, until she’d stop yelling, then he’d express his opinion and that would be what broke Alec’s heart. The small voice telling his brother, his best friend, what he felt. And usually what he felt was that Alec was ruining his own life by trying to be a good brother, a good son. They’d had this argument so many times before that Alec knew it like the back of his hand. Magnus was looking down at the table, long eyelashes blinking away what Alec presumed to be tears. He was feeling a little damp-eyed himself.

Was there any way he could fix this? Take back everything, including the engagement? _No_. But he could take a step forward with Magnus and maybe that would give him the courage to call everything off.

“I know that you’re a professional man and that running off with the groom would give you a bad reputation, not that you’d be running off with me, it’s up to you, I mean, I might not even, I don’t know, I could call off the wedding but, your reputation would be tarnished, if I asked you out on a date, if I broke off the engagement for you, but I, uh-” The words were rushing out, a huge blurred mess, but Magnus was looking up, hope on his face for the first time.

“Asked me out on a date?” He interrupted.

“N-no, I…I’m sorry. I don’t know. I can’t just take back my word, I don’t want to hurt Lydia, but I don’t want to hurt you.”

For a moment, Magnus looked grim but then his smile was back, making Alec’s stomach do flips. “You don’t have to please everyone, Alexander. You could just abandon us all and run off to become a bartender in Hawaii.”

“I’m terrible at mixing drinks,” Alec confessed.

“I could give you lessons.”

“Before I ran away? Or during my running away?”

“Are you inviting me on this adventure? Because I’d love to see you in little shorts and maybe a coconut bikini.” Magnus smirked. Then they were laughing. It was a desperate sort of laughter, the humour of two people who were being constantly torn apart, who knew that they weren’t fated to end up together. But they might as well enjoy everything while it lasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this!
> 
> I was thinking of writing another fanfiction but I don't know what fandom/pairing so please comment suggestions of what you'd like me to write.


	10. Chapter 10

It was almost impossible to avoid his siblings, Alec had found out. He’d been hiding in the back of his favourite coffee shop when Isabelle walked in, searching for him. She spotted him straight away and raised a hand in greeting, like they’d arranged to meet. He reluctantly put down his book and stood up to give her a hug, inhaling the familiar smell of her perfume.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” she said, as soon as she’d sat down.

“I haven’t,” he lied, checking the clock. He had six minutes before he could use the excuse that he’d be late to work.

“It’s been three days since you and Magnus-” She waved her hand around in an attempt to find the right word. “-whatever. And Mags told me that you two have been texting. Even showed me a few. I’m your sister, you should _always_ tell me if you’ve got a new-” Again words seemed to fail her. “-a new _Magnus_.”

Alec sighed, sharply. Five minutes. He just had to distract her for five measly minutes, before she started asking questions he couldn’t – and wouldn’t – answer. Like _do you love him_ and _what about the wedding_. “Izzy, it’s really complicated. And if this gets out, my reputation will be destroyed.” Not that he’d really gained one, skulking on the edges of balls and dinners, but what little respect anyone had for him would vanish. _That’s the one_ , they’d say, _the one who left his fiancée for their wedding planner_. Even Alec thought he was being an asshole. “I don’t want you caught up in that.”

“Alec,” she replied, patronizingly, “I don’t care about the socialite shit. Just tell me why the hell you haven’t called off the wedding yet.”

“Lydia’s a good person. I don’t want to hurt her or break her heart.”

“She knows you’re gay.”

“What?” Alec felt his cheeks heat up. “Why did she agree to marry me?”

“She thinks you’re honourable.” Isabelle rolled her eyes. Her nails tapped out a familiar sounding tune on the table. Three minutes left. “I told her that if she really liked you, she should call off the engagement and let you be happy. With Magnus.” He recognised the tune as the one brides walk down the aisle to.

“Izzy!” Alec couldn’t help the sharpness of his tone; the couple on the next table glared at him. “You can’t just say that to her,” he added, lowering his voice but still maintaining some of his anger.

“I didn’t tell her about Magnus. I just said that you liked someone and you were confused about what to do about him.”

He pursed his lips, frustration making his insides curl up. He wanted to be anywhere but here. He would prefer getting married to this. At least the thought of that made him numb whereas the feeling he had now was sharp horrible pain. Lydia knew and she still hadn’t told everyone. She hadn’t outed him. Or demanded some sort of payment to keep his secret.

The fact that that even crossed his mind made him wonder what kind of people his parents made him spend time with.

“I have to go to work,” he said.

“You can’t run away from this.”

“I’m not running,” he grabbed his lukewarm coffee with a smile, “I’m walking.”

Alec heard her laugh as he walked away, putting power he didn’t have into his strides. When he was out of her sight, the feigned confidence melted away, leaving him with shaky legs and a sudden craving for something sweet.

 

 

_Magnus is calling…_

Alec waited a total of two seconds before eagerly picking up, angling himself away from Jace and his perceptive eyes. They were in an empty conference room with a million files, trying to figure out a case that had them stumped. It was Jace’s favourite kind, a gritty complicated one straight from a TV crime show. Actually…he could be onto something. It was _just_ like a TV show. He quickly wrote that down and slid his idea over to Jace as Magnus said, “Alexander!”

“Hey, um, hi,” he said. There was a meow and Alec smiled. “Is Ch-” He glanced over at Jace. He didn’t want to deal with twenty questions and a derisive laugh about the cat’s name. “Why are you calling?”

“I wanted to hear your voice. It’s quite beautiful, Alexander.” There was a pause and Alec felt his cheeks heat up because he knew what was coming. “Almost as beautiful as you are.” It seemed to be Magnus’ mission to compliment Alec in some way every time they spoke. If they had been toeing the line of flirtation before, now they were all the way across and Magnus wasn’t holding back, his natural charm working to make Alec even more enamoured with him.

“I’m at work,” he said, “with Jace.”

“Ah, that’s why you’re not stammering and trying to tell me that you’re not beautiful, like you usually do.”

“I, uh,” Alec looked over his shoulder, seeing that Jace was sticking his tongue out in concentration, eyes focused on the notes he was scribbling down. Surely one little display of affection wouldn’t hurt. “I miss you,” he whispered and heard a stifled laugh from behind him. _Damn_. That would take a lot of explaining. “Shut up, Jace.”

“For someone having a mini-affair, you’re terrible at concealing your mistress. That would be me, by the way,” he added, as an afterthought. “Unless there are other-”

“Only you.” Another laugh. “Oh, come on, Jace, I’ve heard you say cheesier things to Clary. Sorry, Magnus.”

“However soul-lifting it is to know that I’m the only mistress, I want to invite you to the house party I’m hosting this evening in honour of Chairman Meow’s birthday.” Alec felt something hit his head and read the piece of paper. _Want my help flirting? Because you’re useless._ He threw it back, satisfied when it hit the centre of Jace’s forehead. “Alexander?”

“Yeah, yeah, that sounds good, um, when?”

“Nine o’clock at my apartment. I’ll be introducing you as my client, of course, so don’t try and show your love by throwing me on the bed and, well, you understand what I mean.” And Alec did and that was why he felt so flustered. His lack of sexual experience and the fact that he and Magnus hadn’t even kissed yet made him alarmingly self-aware every time he was in close proximity of the other, or even when they were texting. Magnus was constantly sending pictures, in most of them he was barely clothed, maybe a pair of sweatpants before bed or once – memorably – him covered in bubbles, in the bath. But Alec preferred the ones where Magnus was looking casual, no make-up and smiling, fully clothed. Call him a freak but Magnus looking into the camera, holding up a new purchase or with Chairman sat on his shoulder, with ridiculous captions, did more to him than a posed photograph ever could.

“I, uh, yeah, sure, I’ll be there,” Alec said and Magnus hung up, without so much as a goodbye. Alec felt slightly insulted but then his phone buzzed with a message.

_From Magnus [2:31pm]: A client came into the room. I didn’t want her to hear your name and realise that the ridiculous smile on my face was because of you, she surely would have realised which Alexander you are, since I’m planning your wedding._

_From Magnus [2:33pm]: I wanted to say goodbye properly, hear the smile in your voice as I made some crude remark, but I guess I’ll have to settle with saying goodbye through text. I look forward to seeing you tonight, Alexander. I’ll be wearing blue, in honour of you. Meet you under the disco ball._

_From Magnus [2:34pm]: not literally because I don’t have one._

_From Magnus [2:34pm]: I’m going to get one_

Alec smiled at his phone before locking it and turning to Jace. His brother was grinning at him, eyebrow raised. “Shut up,” he said and Jace started laughing again. “I hate you. I _never_ laugh when you say stuff like that to Clary, and you say it a lot, and you two are always hanging around, making out.”

“I give you full permission to laugh at me from now on,” Jace said. Then his face turned all business, frowning slightly. “That’s a good idea, Alec. About the crime drama thing. I’ve watched a few crime shows in my time and these murders are almost textbook, to the creepy notes and ex-wife.” Alec nodded, formulating a plan in his mind, relieved that the topic of Magnus had been dropped. His relief was short lived as Jace added. “So, have you arranged another date?”

“We haven’t been on a date,” he said, almost growled, in irritation. “And he invited me to his party.”

“You’re going, voluntarily, to his party?” Jace smirked. “You must _really_ like him.” There was a pause in which Alec considered asking Isabelle for advice. “Have you two kissed yet?”

“What? No! I don’t­-” He stopped himself before the word could slip out – _cheat_. He hadn’t cheated. Unless having feelings for another person was considered cheating. “We haven’t kissed, haven’t gone on a date, haven’t called off the wedding, haven’t told anyone, except you and Isabelle. Wait, does anyone else know?”

“Um…”

“Jace!” Alec groaned.

“Okay, so I told Clary, but only because she asked me if you had admitted your feelings for Magnus yet. And I didn’t know that Simon was in the other room because why the hell would he be lurking in our apartment. Apparently he was helping Clary paint the living room but whatever. I assume Simon told Raphael because they’re _so_ in love.” Jace rolled his eyes. “But that’s it, I promise. Can I come to the party?”

“No.”

“I could just show up.”

“I’ll tell Magnus to not let you come in.” Alec stood up, stretching out his sore muscles. He’d been training after lunch, working off the annoyance he’d felt at his sister interfering with every aspect of his life. Over the years, he’d grown more tolerant but this was the worst thing she’d done. Gradually, he’d stopped punching things and had called Isabelle instead, to apologise and tell her that he was sorry for being such a screwed up person. Of course, her response to this was an angry pep-talk about how amazing he was; laced with rapid fire Spanish he didn’t understand. “You want to grab something to eat and check out the crime scene again?”

“Sure, but you have to answer a few questions about Magnus on the way.”

Alec sighed but nodded, knowing that he was getting off lightly.

 

 

“Blue shirt sets off your eyes.”

“Isn’t Magnus wearing blue?”

“I think black.”

“He needs some colour, Jace.”

“Guys, I think red is the way to go.”

Alec watched as his friends discussed _his_ outfit in _his_ bedroom. Lydia was on a spa retreat with her work friends. He’d called her, to tell her where he’d be that night and she seemed to be fine with the fact that he was going to Magnus’ party. Alec thought that maybe she didn’t mind what he did, because they were _friends_.

Isabelle was holding the blue shirt she loved, almost cuddling into it, protectively, while Raphael looked it up and down, scowling. He seemed to have some aversion of bright colours, unless he was wearing one of Simon’s nerd tees. Jace was promoting black, of course, whilst Clary, sprawled on the bed beside him, sketching out crude designs of dresses – which Alec sincerely hoped were not intended for him – disagreed with everything her boyfriend said. Simon was holding the only option that Alec liked. A red shirt, with a black collar.

“I like the red,” Alec offered up his opinion to be instantly shot down by complaints. “I’m wearing the red. It’s my choice. I’m going to this party, you aren’t.” He glared at Jace. They’d compromised: his friends wouldn’t go to the party if Alec told them _everything_ that happened at brunch the next day. Anything for them not to come.

He snatched the shirt off Simon and stared blankly at it. It was a shirt. He liked it. Yet he still couldn’t help hesitating. He’d never been this nervous about seeing anyone before. His heart kept stopping every time he thought of where he was going to be in an hour. Every ten minutes, he had his doubts. He would consider calling up Magnus, claiming illness or merely telling the truth – _I’m getting married, I can’t do this, I’m not a cheater_ – but he knew that as soon as he heard Magnus’ voice, all his morals would fly out of the window. Around Magnus, Alec felt like he’d been stripped bare and the wall he kept up to keep people out had been demolished, turned to dust and ashes.

“Go away so I can get dressed,” he said, gruffly, and he was left alone, the door closing quietly behind them.

 

Almost an hour later, Alec was waiting outside Magnus’ apartment, having knocked on the door and waiting to be let in. The windows on the corridor were open and the summer night was like a warm bubble encasing him, the sky streaked with a million different colours, but he might just feel like this because he was going to see Magnus. He had to keep reminding himself that they wouldn’t be alone and they had to be careful but maybe he could stay for a bit afterwards. If he acted like he was going to help clean up, it wouldn’t be so strange.

The door opened and Magnus was stood there, looking as glamorous as ever, but with flowers weaved in his messy hair. Behind him, the party raged on, loud dance music intermingling with the drunken conversations of his guests. “Alexander!” Magnus exclaimed, launching forward and pulling Alec into a tight hug. A fist bunched around his shirt – the red one – and Magnus was pulling at his hair, face buried in the crook of Alec’s neck, lips resting against his collarbone. Alec realised that he was standing frozen in shock and decided that reciprocating the hug would arouse less suspicion from the guests than just standing there. He brushed a chaste friendly kiss against Magnus’ forehead, smiling like it was all a joke, before pulling away.

“It’s good to see you,” he said, quite breathlessly. It really was good to see the familiar face. There was something about Magnus that a camera couldn’t quite capture.

“I’ve missed you,” Magnus replied, grabbing Alec’s hand. “Let me introduce you to my friends.”

“I thought,” Alec said, staring down at their joined hands, “that you were acting like we were just friends, like I was your client. “Do you hug all your clients like that?”

“Why?” Magnus smirked. “Are you jealous, Alexander?”

“Infinitely jealous,” he replied.

Magnus smiled and blushed – he _blushed_ – and looked at Alec in such a way that it made his heart melt. “You have nothing to be jealous of, my love, I save my hugs for you only.” It was Alec’s turn to blush at the endearing nickname.

He was dragged through the crowd and they ended up in the kitchen, squeezed up near the sink as Magnus searched through the cupboards. “Where did I hide that champagne?” He muttered to himself. While he looked, Alec tried to see if he recognised anyone. The lights cast a weird glow on everyone but he knew a few faces. A friend of Isabelle’s – pre scandal – caught his eye and she smiled, tentatively. He nodded at her, in recognition, but couldn’t do much else because Magnus had found the champagne and he was clapping his hands in excitement. “Alexander, I found it!” He said and Alec had to laugh because Magnus was slightly drunk and slightly-drunk-Magnus was adorable. “You look really beautiful.”

“Thanks, Magnus, so do you.”

“I mean it.” Magnus was suddenly clutching at his wrist. Alec bit his lip, resisting the urge to kiss him. That _would_ be cheating. “You have the bluest eyes I have ever seen.”

Alec had to tear himself away from Magnus’ grip, realising that anyone could see them and neither of them were bothering to hide whatever they felt for each other and it was really hot, stiflingly hot, and Alec had a headache. “I’ve gotta get some air,” he mumbled then realised that air wouldn’t do him any good because even the air outside was muggy and stale. “Splash some water, cold water, on my face,” he amended his sentence and Magnus nodded.

“Yes, of course, I apologise.”

“N-no, Magnus, this isn’t…because of…uh, I just, I get panic attacks and I don’t want to ruin your night by freaking out, somewhere cool and quiet usually helps me calm down, I don’t want to-”

Magnus grabbed his shirt, pulled him forward and planted a small kiss on his forehead. “Listen, you’re not ruining anything. Go take care of yourself, okay? I’ll be here when you’re ready,” he whispered. Alec nodded and quickly stepped away, taking deep calming breaths. He was okay. Everything was okay. His chest was not closing up. The walk to the bathroom seemed to take ages but when he closed the door behind him, he felt a lot better, away from the crowd.

Alec sat on the floor, trying to read the labels of all of Magnus’ products. Normally, the minor panic attacks faded after ten or so minutes. To distract himself, he started scrolling through his new e-mails, the monotonous details of work helping him concentrate. After he’d read them all, his heart rate was back to normal, his head had cleared and he didn’t feel like he was going to throw up.

He re-joined the party with one thing on his mind: Magnus. He felt like he needed to apologise for being weak, for having to leave Magnus, but he knew that that was stupid. He used to loathe himself for his anxiety but he’d gotten used to it and only in his darkest moments did he resent himself for it again. “Excuse me,” he said, pushing past a group of girls dressed as vampires. He got shoved headfirst into the chest of a man wearing horns on his head. “Sorry!” He said, having to almost yell to be heard over the ear-splittingly loud music.

“No problem!” The horned man yelled back. He squinted at Alec for a moment. “Are you Alexander Lightwood?”

“Yeah but it’s just Alec,” he said and the man’s easy smile dropped.

“I’m Ragnor Fell, a friend of Magnus’,” he said.

“Nice to meet you. Uh, do you know where he is?” Alec watched as the vampire girls started giggling, plastic fangs bared.

“I believe our great host is in his bedroom,” another voice said but when Alec turned to see who it was, they had gone. _This place is driving me crazy_ , he thought. The whole party was shrouded in magic and mystery and looked like something out of a painting of a faerie party, from the beautiful but strange people holding the crazy looking drinks to the fact that Chairman Meow was elevated above the party, in a hammock.

“I’d better go find him,” Alec said to Ragnor.

“That may not be wise. He rarely retreats into a non-party room during his parties, so he may want privacy.”

“Why? Is he okay?” Alec glanced back at the closed bedroom door. There was a sign on it, glittery elaborate script saying _Do Not Enter_. “I don’t want him to be alone. I’ll see you around.”

“Alec, wait-” Ragnor said but Alec was already walking away. He was being rude, he knew that, but these people thought that he and Magnus were just friends. Or they thought he was just another unconcerned partygoer. He was only here for Magnus, or more specifically for the Magnus he got to get alone, after the guests had left, after Chairman had been taken down from his hammock, after they’d gotten into their pyjamas and curled up in bed, and maybe Alec would get the Magnus he’d grown to like (love, love was a strong word) and maybe he would finally kiss him.

Pushing open the unlocked door, Alec walked into the bedroom. The first thing he noticed was that the bed and memories of him telling Magnus that he liked him made his heart rise up in his throat. The second thing he noticed was a pretty brunette almost leaping onto Magnus’ lap, mashing their lips together. His heart sunk, down to the pits of his stomach, and he heard a quiet “Magnus” involuntarily escape from his mouth. Magnus almost immediately pushed her away, standing up with a small apologetic smile. “Alexander, please, this isn’t…it’s complicated.”

Alec shook his head, tears blurring his vision. “N-no, it’s fine, Magnus, I just came to, um.” He took a deep breath, feeling the tell-tale feeling in his throat that he was about to burst into tears. Magnus stepped forward, hand reaching out, perhaps to hold Alec, but Alec flinched away, biting his tongue. The sharp pain made the threat of tears temporarily disappear. “I have to go, uh, but it was a g-good party.”

“Alexander, you can’t just leave like this.”

“I have to get home.” Alec spun on his heel and saw Ragnor stood by the door, pity and anger all over his face. That was why Ragnor hadn’t wanted him going in. Did _everyone_ know about Alec’s feelings for Magnus?

“Alexander!” Magnus cried out but Alec kept walking, not stopping until he was outside and a few blocks away from Magnus. Then he sat down heavily on some steps, buried his face in his hands and started crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for all the angst at the end of this chapter but DO NOT WORRY! They WILL be together....eventually. I've had so much fun writing this and I really don't want to end it but I only have a few chapters left so I suppose I have to stick to my plan.
> 
> Please comment any fanfics you'd want me to write. All my fandoms are in my profile. 
> 
> Also I'm going to be including more Lydia in the next chapter because she's been a bit absent. This chapter turned out a lot longer than it was supposed to be because I've been writing all day, oops. But the next chapter MIGHT be longer. Also, I hit 20,000 words which is a huge accomplishment for me and the 20,000th word was Magnus.


	11. Chapter 11

Alec woke up to a steady beeping and bile rising in his throat. He swallowed it down and cracked open one eye, the bright light not helping his headache. It felt like someone was hitting him over and over with a glass bottle and…that might have happened last night. He closed his eye as the memories hit him. He’d gotten drunk, incredibly so, and he’d done…something…maybe. He remembered Magnus and the party and Magnus kissing that woman and then he’d ran out and he had gone to some bar and ordered five glasses of the strongest drink they had. He groaned as flashes of the night before hit him – of gaudily dressed men, mermaids at the bottom of shot glasses, a foam party, Alec draped in feather boas, and glitter, a glitter explosion when he popped a balloon over his head and Jace’s frown, Clary’s heavy sigh as she helped drag an almost comatose Alec into the A and E... _shit_.

He was in hospital.

Alec was about to sit up when he heard the door open. “He’s not awake yet,” Lydia said, quietly.

“How did he get in such a state?” Maryse snapped back, sharply. He heard high heels on the floor, nearing him. “And why?”

“He’s twenty four, Maryse; he’s allowed to get drunk.” There was a pause in which Alec imagined his mother giving Lydia her frostiest stare. “But I don’t know why he’d get this bad. Apparently he called Jace and asked him if he wanted to come out drinking with him. Jace realised that he sounded weird so he and Clary went to pick Alec up. He was outside Pandemonium.”

“The gay bar?” Maryse hissed.

Alec felt his insides curl up in embarrassment. “It’s not a gay bar. It’s for everyone. Gay, straight or otherwise.” Lydia sighed. _Thank you_ , he thought. Pandemonium was known for being very open and friendly, with gay nights, and male dancers as well as female on the poles. Any homophobic behaviour was not tolerated there, resulting in a lifetime ban unless they’d changed their ways.

“Well, was he there all night? What happened to make him this messed up?”

“He was at, um, Magnus Bane’s party, I think.” Lydia’s voice was soft, careful. “They’ve become good friends. He called me and told me that he was thinking of going.”

Maryse inhaled deeply. “Magnus Bane is trouble. I’ll talk to him and ask him if Alec was acting strangely at the party. Maybe someone drugged his drink. Magnus’ parties are quite notorious for being of that sort.”

“I think he’s a good man. Don’t be too harsh.” The door slammed shut and there was a weight on his bed. “I know you’re awake, Alec. She’s gone.”

Alec opened his eyes and squinted at his fiancée. She was smiling slightly, shaking her head at him in exasperation. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I must have ruined your spa weekend.”

“What happened at the party?” Lydia leaned forward and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tight. “You can tell me. I know that-” She stopped and bit her lip. “Never mind. Do you want to me to get you anything? Or anyone?”

He knew what she meant. _Do you want Magnus?_ But he refused to play along. “Can you get Jace, please?”

“Of course.” She stood up and he realised that he wasn’t wearing the bracelet she’d given him. The hospital staff must have taken it off of him. After a brief glance at him, she left the room.

A few seconds later, Jace came in, grinning but his eyes were soft. “Alec, are you okay?” He asked and that was all it took to set off the tears again. He’d been repressing his emotions for so long that it always hurt so much more when they finally came out.

After a long hug, Alec pressing his face into Jace’s chest (and teenage him, even pre-Magnus him, would have been so excited at this opportunity but he just didn’t care anymore) and Jace soothingly rubbing his back, he finally stopped and he felt comfortable enough to withdraw and wipe his eyes. “I went to the party and I was having a good time, I hugged Magnus and we were about to have drinks, and then I had a stupid, _stupid_ , panic attack so I went to clear my head and when I came back, Magnus was making out with some woman in his bedroom and I thought he…I thought he liked me.” His words turned into a pitiful sob and he felt like he needed another hug. Just not from Jace…from Magnus.

“That absolute dick!” Jace muttered, angrily.

“He’s not-” Alec stopped as Jace started to look murderous. “When can I get out of here?”

“Few hours, maybe they’ll keep you in until tonight, I don’t know.” Alec sighed and looked at the monitors tracking his heartbeat. He wanted to test something out. He thought of Magnus, Magnus’ smile, him sleeping on Alec, Chairman Meow curled up on top of them. His heartbeat increased slightly. “Or,” Jace glanced out of the glass on the door. No-one was walking by. “Or I could sneak you out right now.”

Alec grinned.

 

 

Last time he’d been here, the night before, he’d been on the verge of tears but now he remained dry-eyed, too het up and nervous to think about anything but what was right in front of him. The door, that was now opening; the man standing there, wide-eyed and confused; Alec stepping forward, stepping past Magnus, eyes trained on Chairman Meow, who ran to him, purring.

“Alexander,” Magnus said. “I am incredibly sorry for the events of last night. I assume that’s why you’re here.” He paused and Alec turned around, cat in his arms. “Unless Lydia has sent you on some wedding errand and I’ve gotten this all wrong.”

“You don’t know what happened to me then?” Alec asked. “I thought someone would have told you.”

“I haven’t checked my phone,” Magnus said. “I only woke up a small time ago,” he added. Magnus grabbed his mobile and turned it on. Instantly, a series of beeps sounded and his eyes widened. “Oh, Alexander, you got _drunk_?” He read some more and started laughing. “Well, that sounds like a wild night out. You texted me a lot.”

“What?” Alec dug in his back pocket where he usually kept his phone and was met with nothing. Of course. When Jace had sneaked him out of the hospital, they hadn’t had chance to pick up his personal possessions. They’d almost been caught by Maryse but Raphael had dived in, diverting her with a compliment and a smile. Simon had laughed when he’d seen them sneaking out, causing Maryse to frown. Raphael had then kissed his boyfriend’s cheek, making Maryse’s frown deepen. Alec was grateful for that little piece of rebellion off his friends.

“Borrow mine.”

Magnus threw it to him and Alec clicked onto their conversation.

_From Alec [11:11pm]: make a wish, magnus bane_

_From Alec [11:34pm]: PANDEMONIUM IS FUN_

_From Alec [2:14am]: there are glitter balloons here and they remind me of you and that’s horrible because you’re my favourite person in the world after jace and isabelle_

_From Alec [3:29am]: jace come hang out_

_From Alec [3:57am]: oh youre not jace_

_From Alec [4:01am]: its okay hes here now goodbye magnus bane_

“I’m…an idiot. God.” Alec sighed into Chairman’s fur. “Who was she?”

“Who?”

“Don’t.”

“Her name is Camille Belcourt and she was the first person I ever loved. I still was in love with her until about a month ago,” Magnus said whilst walking closer, eyes trained on Alec’s face, like he dared not look anywhere else. A month ago, when Alec first met Magnus and Magnus started planning their wedding. Alec raised an eyebrow as Magnus placed his hand on Alec’s bicep, curling his fingers around it.

“Why did you stop?”

Magnus laughed, softly. “Things have…changed,” he said, hesitantly. “Last night, I was waiting for you and she asked if she could speak to me, alone, and I said yes because I really wanted to get her out of my system. So I spoke to her and then the door was opening and she grabbed me and kissed me. It was more of a power play than anything. She thought that if word got out that I was back with her, people would assume I was weak and she was back in control.” Magnus’ hand hadn’t moved from his arm but instead he’d tightened his grip. “She didn’t realise that it was you and she didn’t know that I l-liked you.” Magnus took a deep breath. “She knows. About how I feel about you.”

“And how, how do you feel about me?” Alec asked. He allowed himself a second of gazing into Magnus’ eyes before he tore himself away, sitting down on the sofa, jaw clenched.

Magnus followed him, sitting close beside him. He was nervous, Alec could tell. His feet were drumming an irregular pattern on the tiled floor. Alec’s heart was racing, he couldn’t stop the fluttery feeling in his stomach, because they were in such close proximity. Alec was about to speak up again when Magnus’ leg knocked against his. Neither of them moved their legs, like they were frozen in time. Alec wished. He wished that they didn’t have to carry on talking about this, wished that Camille wasn’t now in the mix, and wished that there was no wedding. That had become a pretty regular wish over the last few days.

Alec smiled and kissed him.

It was like a million fireworks had exploded at once, lips tingling, Alec’s hands running through Magnus’ hair, Magnus pulled him closer. “Alexander.” The word vibrated against Alec’s lips, coaxing a smile out of him. “Alexander, I love you.”

And the rest of the world didn’t seem to matter anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAYYY I KNOW FINALLY
> 
> also i'm currently writing a saphael fanfic, based on the sapahel love story of this au so i'll tell you all when i have posted it!


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

The world was blurring, the only clear point Magnus Bane, as Alec withdrew from the kiss, heart racing and the amazing feeling he’d had only a few seconds before was slowly being poisoned into something terrible.

“Alec, I’m sorry,” Magnus whispered, eyes instantly filling with tears.

“You… _love_ me?” Alec barked out a panicked laugh and bit his tongue sharply to stop his own tears from appearing. “Magnus, you know that I-I’m still getting married, right? I know it’s stupid but it’s the honourable thing to do. I can’t just break up with Lydia for our _wedding planner_. Shit.” It had felt so good, that kiss had felt like Alec had won the lottery and fallen in love and like he was finally flying like he’d always wanted to as a kid.

“You don’t have to go through with the wedding.”

“And if I don’t do it…the pressure will land on someone else. Isabelle might feel guilty and she hates this life but she might come back. Or Jace. What if they make Jace break up with Clary? For family duty? And my parents might make sure that Max gets pressured into something he doesn’t want to do just to restore our reputation…”

Magnus didn’t bother putting up a façade, his expression matching Alec’s panic and fear. And heartbreak. “I understand that family is important but you’re allowed to be selfish. Don’t tell me that you didn’t feel something, that you didn’t enjoy that kiss.”

“I did,” Alec admitted, “but this isn’t-” _This isn’t right but it is because I really like you_. “You kissed Camille.”

“I told you that she kissed me! It was a mistake to kiss her back, for even a fraction of a second, because I’m crazy about you!” Magnus almost yelled. He stood up, anger replacing the sadness, and Alec followed, adrenaline coursing through him as he almost stamped his foot like a petulant child.

“Yeah? Well, why would you kiss her back at all?”

“Because I used to love her and that doesn’t go away. But she stomped all over my heart and it _killed_ me, Alec! I was practically dead, dragging myself along, until you came along! And now you’re doing the same thing she did. I thought that I could protect myself and my heart but you stole it from me anyway and I thought that maybe, _maybe_ , you would look after it but you didn’t! You broke it and now I feel like I’m dying all over again because of YOU!” Magnus screamed the last word, a loud sob following soon after.

“I’m getting married! Why would you entrust your heart with me? I’m messed up and broken and imperfect-”

“No one is perfect! I thought you were – I thought you were at least damn near close – but it’s evident that love blinded me to your faults!” Magnus let out a growl of frustration.

“Stop saying that.” Alec felt his chest hurt, heart burn like it was on fire, as he attempted to breathe. He had lowered his voice but he was breathless, like he was drowning.

“Saying what? Love?” Magnus rolled his eyes. “You don’t want to hear the truth because then you might have to make a decision.”

“And if I don’t love you back?” Alec asked.

“Then,” Magnus said. “You can marry Lydia and be in a loveless relationship for the rest of your life, always obeying your parents like a mindless soldier. You have to choose, Alexander. Happiness or family?”

Alec took only two seconds to think about it. Family meant sacrifice and hardship and living a lie, all his life, every second of the day. Family meant protecting Isabelle and Jace and Max. Family even meant Clary, Simon and, now, Raphael. What would they say? Isabelle would yell at him; Jace would make some simple remark that made a lot of sense that Alec would ignore; Clary would tell an anecdote that had the best advice hidden within; Simon would quote some movie and smile; Raphael…well Raphael would probably just raise his eyebrow and smirk.

They’d be happy if he was happy. Family didn’t have to mean blood. It could mean Magnus.

Alec looked up, eyes wide with realisation. He _did_ love Magnus, however strange that love may be. And he loved his family. Compromise, it seemed, was the best solution. “I’m still going to marry Lydia,” he said. “But I want you…I want you to know that, uh, I-I love y-you too.”

“And you’re expecting me to what?” Magnus raised an eyebrow. “Praise you for admitting your feelings? Give you a hug and send you back to Lydia with a smile?”

“I know that I’m being an asshole.”

“That’s very true.”

“But I can’t turn my back on my family, on everything I believe in.”

“You’re a traditional man.”

“I also can’t just leave and turn my back on you,” Alec said. “This is a stupid idea and I hate it because we’d be hurting Lydia and I’m…I won’t mind if you slapped me but…” Magnus looked ready to slap him. “I want to be with you.”

“You’re willing to cheat on Lydia?”

“Haven’t I already?” Alec gestured to the place they’d just been kissing.

“You think I’m going to hang along my whole life and sneak around in the shadows just to be with you, Alec?”

“N-no, of course not. I meant…until the wedding. Until I start my new life and I stop having excuses to see you. Can’t we just-I don’t want us to be over when we’ve just started. I don’t want to lose you. Then we’ll never see each other again, okay? You can get over me and I-I can get over you.” Although Alec doubted that that would be easy. Getting over Magnus would be like controlling a hurricane: impossible. He knew what this would lead to. He’d be eternally unhappy with Lydia, maybe turning to drink like so many people did. Magnus would get over it; mark it down as a whirlwind romance, maybe a mistake.

“You really think I’ll be able to get over you that easily?” Magnus chuckled. He suddenly stepped forward and rested his head on Alec’s chest, positioned in such a way that he could surely hear the quickening of his heartbeat. Alec wrapped his arms around the smaller man and rested his chin on Magnus’ head. “Oh, Alexander, another time, another life, another world, maybe we could have been together, happily.”

“You’d be a shy guy with two cats and I’d be an out and proud guy with impeccable dress sense?” Alec teased.

“Of course,” Magnus replied. They didn’t speak for a while, still locked in embrace. “Stay?” Magnus suggested, finally. “Just for tonight. Then we don’t have to…we can be friends. Like before.”

Alec sincerely doubted that they ever had been just friends but he nodded. “Yeah,” he conceded. “I’ll stay.”

 

 

The room was shrouded in darkness, except from the dim light emitting from the television. “I can’t believe you’ve never watched The Breakfast Club,” Magnus said as the credits rolled.

“Well, now I have.” Alec stretched out.

“And?”

“It was good,” Alec said. He looked at Magnus, smiling. “It’s late. We should go to bed.” Magnus started laughing and Alec knew why. It sounded so domestic. They were going to bed together, after watching a movie, their cat curled up on Alec’s lap. Shit. Not _their_ cat, Magnus’ cat. He stood up, slightly concerned at the direction his thoughts were headed. “I’ll, uh, go brush my teeth or something. Have you got a-”

“Spare toothbrush is the purple one in the bathroom, I’ll meet you in there in two minutes.” Magnus began turning the television off. “Do you mind if Chairman sleeps with us?”

“No problem,” Alec said. He walked, tired, into the bathroom and started brushing his teeth, watching his reflection. He was wearing his t-shirt over a pair of Magnus’ plainer pyjama pants that just about fit him. Normally, before he went to bed with Lydia, he looked either emotionlessly blank or uneasy, but his eyes were bright and he couldn’t help his small smile as he thought about what the night would entail. He thought of cuddling with Magnus the same way as people thought about having sex. But to him, sex with Magnus could happen, if they were drunk or something, _cuddling_ was a much better prospect because he had worked for it, it was something that was previously unattainable and now, they were going to be sharing a bed, both sober and knowing how the other felt.

“Admiring the view, are we?” Magnus said. Alec jumped and saw the smaller man leaning against the door frame. “Although if I had that face, I’d never stop looking in mirrors,” he added.

“I was just thinking that I looked happy,” Alec blurted out then regretted it, covering up his lapse by turning away to wipe his mouth on a hand-towel. When he turned back, Magnus was smiling. “Um, should we-” He didn’t want to say _go to bed_ because that sounded strange.

“Mm,” Magnus murmured, “you go and warm it up for me.”

Alec didn’t need any further motivation to get away and calm himself down. He quickly walked through the door, not stopping to think about how his hand had accidentally touched Magnus’ stomach and how that should have been weird but it felt normal, and slightly comforting. Once in the bedroom, he was again at a loss of what to do.

_To Isabelle [11:49pm]: im with magnus. im sharing a bed with him just to sleep. need your help._

_From Isabelle [11:50pm]: deep breaths and focus, alec. you like him. he likes you. do NOT screw this up because maybe you could still be happy with him. have you two kissed yet?_

_From Isabelle [11:51pm]: also I scratched meliorn’s car today because he told me he loved me an hour before cheating on me, again._

Alec laughed. Hopefully Isabelle would find someone worthy now.

He grabbed Chairman from the top of the dresser and got into bed, cuddling into the cat’s silky soft fur. He was almost as vigorously groomed as his owner. Alec was about to panic again as he thought about Magnus when he came in, looking stunning. All he was wearing were pyjamas and he had no makeup, his hair the natural colour and very messy but Alec couldn’t breathe. “Alexander, I think you’re going to miss my cat more than you’ll miss me,” Magnus said then his smile dropped at the reminder that their relationship was to be short-lived.

“You don’t cuddle me enough,” Alec replied, desperate to see that smile return. He couldn’t stand the pain on Magnus’ face. The smirk returned as Magnus turned off the lights then jumped onto the bed, knocking a few pillows onto the floor. He almost fell onto Alec but neither of them minded. They were centimetres apart, Alec could kiss him if he leaned forward just slightly. And he did, brushing his lips against Magnus’. “I miss you, already.” He wrapped an arm around Magnus’ waist, placing Chairman Meow between them like a hot water bottle, and Magnus draped his leg over Alec’s, entangling them.

“I-” Magnus began, softly, but seemed to stop himself.

Alec took a deep breath. “I love you,” he whispered.

“Goodnight, Alexander.”

“Goodnight, Magnus.”

 

 

Magnus woke up to an empty bed and a piece of paper on the pillow beside him. He felt his heart breaking even before he read it, hands trembling.

**_Magnus,_ **

**_Lydia called your phone twice and left a message asking what you thought of her vows. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I love you. I think I really really love you. But we can’t do this. We can’t risk everything just for love. I can’t risk my family, you can’t risk your career. I would have told you this face-to-face but I knew that I would end up kissing you and I couldn’t risk that._ **

**_Always,_ **

**_Alexander_ **

Magnus let out a choked sob and fumbled for his phone. He deleted Lydia’s message without reading it and dialled the only other number, apart from Alec’s, that he had memorised.

“Ragnor?” He said. “I need you.”

“Magnus? What’s wrong? What-”

“A-Alec.”

“I’ll be right over.”

 

Half an hour later, Magnus was still in bed but Ragnor had joined him, both staring glumly at their hot chocolates. Magnus was holding the note, unable to quite let go of the last thing Alec had touched. “Do you love him?” Ragnor asked. “And I don’t mean puppy love, I don’t mean the love you feel for the quick romances that never seem to last. I don’t mean the obsession with Camille. I mean _true_ love. I mean lose your breath love. I mean heart shattering love.”

“Yes, yes, I love him, Ragnor. More than Camille,” he added and Ragnor seemed to realise how serious it had been as he frowned. “He’s right. Alexander’s right. We can’t give up everything for love.”

“Do you remember what I used to tell you when Camille broke you?”

“I don’t want you to kill Alexander.”

“No, the other thing.” Magnus shrugged. “One day the right person will come along and you will forget about Camille and you should do _everything_ you can to fight for them.”

“But what can I do? Short of crashing the wedding?” Ragnor started smiling and Magnus shook his head. “No, _no_ , my reputation-”

“Damn reputations! I am glad I am a regular person who doesn’t have to care about any of that.”

Magnus sighed, heavily, and looked at his old friend. “What’s wrong with me, Ragnor?”

“You’re in love. I have always been a stranger to romance, living only through your accounts, but…Magnus Bane, I have never seen you like this. Perhaps this is the one person you should fight for.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only one chapter left and I'm so sad but it's the wedding so YAY. I almost cried whilst writing this chapter....

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

Bachelor parties sucked, Alec had found out, but they sucked a bit less if you were drunk.

He was dancing along to the loud dance music, occasionally coming into Clary’s orbit which meant he was pulled to her side and had to engage in some ridiculous dancing with reckless abandon. “Izzy!” He yelled, spinning around to find his sister. He couldn’t see her but he kept spinning and laughing. Eventually he got too dizzy to carry on and stopped, collapsing onto a well-built chest. He looked up, too drunk to be embarrassed, and grinned at Jace. “You look weird,” Alec said. “Why are you blue? You’re blue!”

“It’s the lights!” Jace yelled. He grabbed Alec’s hand and led him off the dance floor to a quiet spot in the corner of Pandemonium. Isabelle – when she’d heard about where Alec had ended up the last time he’d gotten pass-out drunk – thought it would be hilarious to host his bachelor party here. “Listen, I need to-” He sneezed and Alec started laughing, clutching his sides. Jace was so funny and sweet. “I need to talk to you!”

“Why?” Alec whined. “I wanna dance!”

“You’re really drunk, Alec, and I don’t want you to do something you’d regret!”

“I’m already getting married to Lydia, aren’t I?” Alec replied, quite pleased with his response. He thought it had been funny but Jace just looked sad. “Come on, Jace, have some fun! It’s my last night of-” Alec frowned as he searched for the word. “Freedom!” He yelled, finally, and someone else in the crowd replied with a scream of “ _America_!”

Alec laughed and stood on his tip-toes, attempting to find whoever had said it. They should become friends. Or they should make out. He wanted to kiss someone. That would be fun. He could kiss the person who’d yelled America or someone else if that person wasn’t a man. He could kiss _Jace_. Jace was a man. He turned round, smirking at that idea, but Jace had been replaced by someone wearing glasses. “Who-” Alec said, realising that his voice was slurring, “-are you?”

“I’m Simon! It’s Simon!” The person stumbled forward, clutching at Alec’s bicep to steady himself. “Oops, I have a boyfriend!”

Alec started laughing again, side-splittingly painful laughter that made him feel like he was laughing for the sake of it. Was something wrong? Oh yeah, he was getting married. And…he concentrated and then it hit him. He kind of loved his wedding planner and not just as a friend but as a more than friend. Lots of things were _incredibly_ wrong. He tore away from Simon’s grasp, feeling tears fill his eyes. Before Magnus, Alec hadn’t cried since he was thirteen years old and he’d found out that he was G-A-Y.

Alec walked off, not wanting anyone to see him cry, but that didn’t work because he bumped into someone who looked suspiciously like Magnus. “Alexander,” the person who couldn’t be Magnus said. “This,” he gestured to the commotion of the nightclub, “is becoming a regular hang-out of yours.”

“It’s just-” Alec bit his lip as he saw that Magnus was wearing an extremely glittery shirt, gold and purple. He looked really good. He looked like he was about to cry. He looked like an angel. “Do you want to dance?”

“You’re drunk, Alexander, I don’t want to take advantage of you.” Magnus seemed to be…mad…or sad…or both. “I think that we’ve both had our hearts broken enough these last few months.”

“Are you mad at me?” Alec pouted.

Magnus smiled. “I don’t think so,” he said. “I should get you home. Not my…not my home but someone else’s. Is there anyone who could pick you up and take you home?”

Alec thought about it, tapping his nose. He felt like he should do something Magnus-related and he didn’t know what but it should be something big and grand and maybe he should get some glitter and sprinkle it everywhere and then kiss Magnus and they should get flower crowns! “Raphael is home, I think, but he might not be,” he said.

Magnus sighed, running a hand through his hair. Somehow, it didn’t get messier, it got better. “Come on, you can sleep at my apartment.” Alec clapped his hands together in excitement. “In the spare bedroom,” Magnus added.

“But-”

“Alexander, _no_ ,” Magnus said. He grabbed Alec’s hand and led him out of the club, having to pull him past a group of attractive men, who were leering at them, cat-calling and generally infuriating Alec. How could they do that? How women stand this all the time? “Come on.”

“But they’re being mean!” Alec whined. He hated mean people. He’d had to deal with them his whole life. He didn’t want anyone to be mean to Magnus. “And I’m mad at you because you’ve made me change my mind about family and honour because where’s the honour in living a lie?”

“Finally realised that, huh?”

“Yeah,” Alec said and the last thing he remembered before blacking out was Magnus hugging him close to his chest.

 

 

Alec was sat in the kitchen, drinking an extremely strong coffee, spiced with gingerbread, and watching as Magnus fly around the kitchen, cooking eggs and bacon and toast. “Scrambled or poached?”

“Magnus, really, I’m okay,” Alec said for the millionth time, setting his cup down on the table and putting his head in his hands. Magnus’ hangover cure had been disgusting, looking more like a bubbling potion than anything edible, and Alec had thrown up at least twice. He did feel better though.

“Alexander, I know that you insisted so these are for me but you’ve got to have something to eat,” Magnus replied. “Before you-” He paused and busied himself re-tying his apron. “Before you go home.”

“Yeah, I’d better set off soon. When I finish this.” He looked into his mug and sighed, realising that there were only a few dregs of coffee left. “Or after,” he said. Magnus smiled and passed him a warm piece of buttered toast.

“You can’t delay going home forever,” he said, leaning over and resting his lips against Alec’s forehead. Alec smiled, revelling in the tingling sensation of Magnus’ mouth on his skin. “Eat,” he demanded, “and go home.”

Alec rolled his eyes even as he was standing up. The wedding was tomorrow and instead of spending a day with his fiancée, he was being looked after by his wedding planner. “Do you need anything?” He asked, not really expecting an answer.

“You.”

“Anything else, Magnus?” Alec felt his heart shatter into twenty million pieces when Magnus shook his head. _He doesn’t want anything but me_. “I’ll see you-”

“Tomorrow,” Magnus said.

“Right, yeah, the, uh, wedding.”

“Still looking forward to it?”

“Happiest day of my life, right?” Alec gave a half-smile. Magnus turned his back, taking more care than he should in transporting the bacon onto a plate, and Alec made a split-second decision, stepping forward and placing a chaste kiss on the exposed skin of Magnus’ neck. Magnus visibly tensed so Alec took that as a sign to back off. “I’m sorry, Jesus, Magnus, I-I shouldn’t have done that but-”

“You’ll make a beautiful groom,” Magnus said, still not turning around but Alec could sense the tears in his voice, the overwhelming sadness that was threatening to drown Alec was surely mutual. “Goodbye, Alexander.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah so its the final chapter and sorry for taking so long to upload this but I was procrastinating because I didn't want it to end
> 
> PREVIOUSLY ON AMOR VERUS
> 
> “Happiest day of my life, right?” Alec gave a half-smile. Magnus turned his back, taking more care than he should in transporting the bacon onto a plate, and Alec made a split-second decision, stepping forward and placing a chaste kiss on the exposed skin of Magnus’ neck. Magnus visibly tensed so Alec took that as a sign to back off. “I’m sorry, Jesus, Magnus, I-I shouldn’t have done that but-”
> 
> “You’ll make a beautiful groom,” Magnus said, still not turning around but Alec could sense the tears in his voice, the overwhelming sadness that was threatening to drown Alec was surely mutual. “Goodbye, Alexander.”

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

“Alec?” Isabelle’s voice was soft, almost hesitant, as she knocked on his bedroom door. He took a deep breath before calling out, “come in.” She walked in, looking stunning in a gold bridesmaid dress, and that made Alec hurt even more. Yesterday, he’d walked in a daze, not thinking about where he was going until he reached Isabelle’s apartment. She’d been home and when he burst into tears, she had put him to bed and called the others. He’d received pep talk after pep talk; argument after argument about why he shouldn’t go through with it; a million explanations of how he looked at Magnus like he was in love. And he’d felt himself wavering.

Yet here he was, hands trembling as he tried to button up his shirt.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” he said. She gently knocked his hands away and started buttoning up his shirt for him. “I’m allowed to be nervous, Izzy, it’s the happiest day of my life.” She paused and glanced up at him, eyes filled with tears. “Listen, I want to do this.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Alec wrapped her into a hug. “Lydia’s a good person.” _But I don’t love her._ “This will help the family.” _But it won’t help me._ “Magnus will get over me.” _But I won’t get over him._

Isabelle pulled away and sighed, her fake smile back, polite but with no warmth. “Okay, big brother.”

“That’s it?”

“You supported me,” Isabelle said, “so I’ll support you. Even if I do think you’re making a huge mistake,” she added.

“Knew it was too good to be true,” Alec laughed, shoving her gently. She grinned and darted out of the room, shutting the door behind her. He looked in the mirror, weighing up the pros and the cons, like he had been doing for the last day and a half. In the end, the pros outweighed the cons. He should get married to restore the family honour, to help Lydia, to ensure Jace, Max and Isabelle’s future was their own, to not anger his parents.

Only a minute later, the door opened again and Jace came in, looking wary. “Alec, I wanted you to know something before you go ahead with this thing.” He held out his phone and Alec quickly scanned the text he was being shown.

_From Magnus [11:32am]: I regretfully can’t attend the wedding as I’m ill but please tell Alexander that I wish him the best in everything._

“He’s not coming?” Alec almost choked on his words then took a deep breath, cleared his head. “He’s not coming,” he said, trying to sound nonchalant but failing. “That’s fine.”

“You know that’s he not ill, right?” Jace said and Alec nodded. Despite how much he wanted it to be true, he knew that Magnus wasn’t ill. The only reason the wedding planner wouldn’t attend a wedding was if they were in love with one of the happy couple – Alec had learnt that much from TV and movies. “And you’re still going through with this?” Alec nodded again; a sharp brisk nod. “We have to go now so are you definitely sure? I can create a diversion while you run, if you’d like.”

“Jace,” Alec said with a small smile, “I’m okay.”

His younger brother cast a doubtful look at him but he stepped out of the room, allowing Alec a few moments to stop and breathe. He had to go through with the wedding. He had to. He fixed his bowtie and looked into the mirror, noting the sadness in his eyes, even when he smiled. _Especially_ when he smiled. He walked out of the room and Jace threw his arm around him.

“Clary looks hot,” Jace remarked.

“You could use a better word,” Alec laughed. “Tell her she’s beautiful, not hot.”

“Is that what Magnus calls you?” Alec rolled his eyes and Jace smirked. “Sorry but I have nothing to tease you about but that. Do you think I could work it into my best man speech?”

“Shut up, Jace, you dick.”

“Come on, you know I wouldn’t do that to you.” Jace mimed holding a glass up. “Here’s to the happy couple, even though the groom is gay and in love with the wedding planner, who is mysteriously absent.”

Alec was painfully reminded once again that Magnus wasn’t coming because Magnus was about as okay as Alec was. Maybe it was better this way. Otherwise Magnus would be sitting on the front pew, looking at Alec with tear-filled eyes, and then Magnus would be at the meal afterwards, talking jovially, and then Magnus would be at the party at night, dancing and watching Alec getting drunker and drunker because of course Alec would be getting drunk tonight. _Wedding night_. On wedding nights, couples were supposed to…Alec winced as they reached the side door, Jace opening it for him. “Thanks,” Alec muttered.

The moment he stepped into the church, he felt his chest tighten at the sight of all his friends and family. Jace gently shoved him forward and he went to stand at the front. His eyes scanned the front row on his side: his parents, Clary, Simon, Raphael, and an empty seat.

He could do this. It was simple. It was easy.

“Alec!”

 _Simon._ Alec shot him a poisonous look but Simon wasn’t deterred.

“Good luck!” Simon called out and Alec ignored the strange looks he was getting from the people his family had invited. He scowled and Simon turned away, whispering in Raphael’s ear.

“He’s such an idiot,” Jace muttered, scornfully.

“I don’t know,” Alec said. “He’s growing on me.”

All of a sudden, the music started up again, organ echoing through the cavernous church, piercing Alec right down to his very soul. The bridal march. “Can everyone please be seated?” The minister said as the door opened. Everyone sat down and then Alec looked up and saw Lydia.

There was no denying her beauty but he viewed her the same way he thought of Clary or Isabelle. She was like a little sister to him. Maybe that would lead to a successful marriage or at least a good friendship hidden in the sham.

He heard audible gasps from the congregation and knew that none of them were looking at him so he took a second to wipe his eyes and calm his racing heart. As soon as she reached him, he plastered on a fake smile, taking her hand to help her up the stairs. She looked at him, concern written all over her face, and he felt like she knew. She knew everything. “Are you okay, Alec?” She asked, quietly.

“Yeah, of course,” he replied.

Of course she knew. It was stupid to think that she wouldn’t notice how much time he spent with Magnus, at Magnus’ apartment. They both turned to the minister, Alec slightly out of breath and Lydia still looking worried. He listed off lots of cliché phrases about loving couples and how everyone thought they were a perfect match. Isabelle was behind Lydia, looking too upset than a bridesmaid should.

“It is now time for Alec Lightwood and Lydia Branwell to exchange their wedding union vows,” the minister said. All of a sudden, it was incredibly hard to breathe. Alec had struggled writing his vows and had ended up talking about Lydia in a decidedly non-romantic way. He had written about how her smile lit up the room and how she always made him smile in bad situations and how she had introduced him to his favourite pizza restaurant. These were all true but they weren’t the makings of some great romance.

Back on the front row, Clary smiled reassuringly at Jace then turned to Simon, hand resting on his arm. “Do you think that-”

“I don’t know,” Simon whispered. They’d all thought the wedding would be cancelled when Alec started liking Magnus. Then when Alec kissed Magnus. Then again that morning when he’d sat in the bathroom for half an hour and cried, trying to mask the noises by turning the shower on. But the wedding was going ahead and they were all getting desperate.

“Alec Lightwood, you are so brave and strong and you’re an amazing man,” Lydia said, reading from her crumpled paper with shaky hands, a frown. “I always thought of you as a valued friend as well as a fiancé and I want nothing but your happiness.” She hesitated then looked up from her paper to look Alec in the eyes. “Sometimes I thought we were hitting some rough spots,” she said, “and sometimes I thought that you would just give up on this whole thing but you didn’t. You stuck by me and I want you to know that I will always stand by you, no matter what decisions you make, no matter what you choose in life, I will be there.”

Alec smiled. He was ready. He remembered his vows. He could do this. He was getting married to a woman but it was a woman who was his friend and who understood and who was ready to stand by him. “Lydia, I-” He began but then there was a noise from the back of the room, like the sound of ancient doors opening.

He looked up, frowning slightly, but everything dropped away when he saw who was walking into the room, his normal elegance and grace gone, replaced by a steady walk of a man who knew what he wanted.

Magnus Bane.

Alec still felt the butterflies and the quickening of his pulse but it was ruined by the feeling of nerves and anxiety he also had because Magnus was crashing his wedding. But Magnus looked beautiful.

Alec watched, numb, as his mother got up and strode towards Magnus. “What are you doing? You can’t just come in, in the middle of the ceremony.” She snarled, loud enough for Alec to hear.

“Maryse,” Magnus held a finger up to silence her, “this is between me and your son. I’ll leave if he asks me to.”

Magnus stepped forward then hesitated, locking eyes with Alec. It was like everything that had happened was tumbling back down upon him, crushing him and making it impossible to think. _I’ll leave if he asks me to._

_Alexander, I love you._

“Alec?” Alec was brought back to the current situation by Lydia’s hand on his cheek, pulling him towards her so she could whisper. “Are you okay?”

“I can’t breathe.”

“I know, it’s okay.” She smiled, stroking his cheek. “I know about you and Magnus. Izzy told me this morning. I will stay with you, whatever you do, but I think you should choose him. You deserve to be happy.”

Alec nodded and she stepped back, standing beside Isabelle, exchanging a look with her, a smile. He turned to face his friends and his family and everyone he knew and he stepped forward, once. Twice. Three times. Four times. And something had changed in Magnus’ face, some kind of realisation that things were going to be okay. Then that realisation hit Alec and he felt lighter than he had in weeks.

“Alec, what are you doing?” Maryse said, angrily.

There was no hesitation now. Alec pushed past her, not acknowledging the look on her face that he used to fear. “Enough,” he said so loudly that he was sure that everyone heard it but for once, he didn’t care about repercussions.

Then he was a second away from reaching Magnus and he grabbed the lapels of his jacket and kissed him, hard, messy and full of love. It was better than their first kiss because it meant that they could start something. They could have something. Alec may have just abandoned his old life for Magnus but he was sure that they could build a new life together.

Alec pulled away when he realised Magnus wasn’t kissing him back, uncertain. All his fears were chased away by the feeling of Magnus’ lips once again back on his, a hand placed on his hip, the erratic beat of Alec’s heart. Eventually, they stopped, reluctantly dragging themselves away from each other. Adrenaline rushed through Alec’s blood, almost like magic, and he felt like he could conquer the world. Of course, he had to get past his mother first, who was storming through the side door, Robert running after her, frantically. Just when the realisation of what he’d done was about to come crashing down upon him, Isabelle appeared, Lydia by her side, both looking ecstatic.

“Alec, I’m so proud of you,” Isabelle said, bringing him into a tight hug. Then she slapped Magnus’ arm. “Cutting it a bit close, weren’t you, Mags?” She smirked. “I was about to pretend to faint or something.”

“What happened to _I’ll support you_?” Alec said to his sister with a raised eyebrow.

“That was when I thought you were going to back out. I’m so glad you did. No offence, Lydia.”

Alec looked sheepishly at Lydia because, even though she was beaming, he felt bad for leaving her at the altar and possibly humiliating her. “I’m-”

“If you apologise, I’m going to kick your ass,” Lydia said. Alec laughed, some of the tension dissipating at her words. “Magnus,” she turned to their wedding planner, “in the future, you are definitely planning any weddings I might have.”

Magnus smiled. “Don’t worry; I won’t steal another one of your grooms.” He nudged Alec, clasping their hands together. “I don’t think I’ll need one.”

 

 

 

**_One Year Later_ **

Alec was waiting for Magnus, _again._ His boyfriend had an irritating habit of being late – something Alec had thought adorable at first. After a month or two of perpetual lateness, however, he snapped and now Magnus was always late on purpose because Alec was always accidentally early.

“Where’s the wedding planner supreme?” Simon crowed as he sat down at the table Alec had saved for them, almost knocking over Alec’s milkshake in the process.

“On his way.”

“Really?” Raphael said, smirking, as he followed his boyfriend, almost as graceful as Simon was clumsy. “That’s…very Magnus. Being late to his own engagement party.”

“He’s not late,” Alec insisted, “he just got stuck in traffic.”

Magnus had wanted a big engagement party with glitter bombs and chandeliers and expensive food served by tuxedo-wearing waiters but Alec had wanted a smaller occasion with just a few friends. They’d settled for both. Today was the brunch with their close friends and tomorrow was the party – all planned by Magnus, of course.

Alec watched, playing with the ring on his finger, as his friends came in, one by one, chatting and laughing. He remained vigilant, aside from the occasional smile as a greeting, until Magnus came walking through the door of the restaurant, dressed up in his usual extravagant clothes, all glitter and tight jeans and soft material that Alec would bury his head in afterwards while they cuddled up on the sofa.

“Alexander, I am so sorry that I am late but I had a few errands to run,” Magnus said, sliding into the chair next to Alec and kissing his fiancé. Alec hated and loved the fact that when Magnus called him Alexander and when Magnus kissed him, he still melted inside, no matter how angry he tried to seem on the outside. The scowl always melted away, anyway, when Magnus was around. “It should be your first wedding anniversary today.”

Lydia laughed from the other end of the table, almost choking on her coffee. Isabelle smacked her heavily on the back.

“So I decided something, Alec.” Magnus reached down for a basket Alec hadn’t realised he was holding. He was so used to Magnus carrying strange things that they didn’t even register anymore. “And I adopted us a puppy!”

“What? Magnus!” Alec groaned as a tiny Golden Retriever emerged from the basket, all fluffy and adorable and… _damn it_. He should have known that Magnus would choose the most adorable dog in the entire world to entice Alec. “I bet you’ve already named it,” he said, attempting to still sound mad.

“ _He_ is called Warlock.”

“That’s a ridiculous name.”

“Ridiculously cute.”

Alec rolled his eyes and was about to suggest a more sensible name (which Magnus wouldn’t listen to and then they’d end up naming the poor dog Warlock) when there was an outraged cry from a waitress. “You can’t bring dogs in here,” she hissed.

“I’m terribly sorry!” Magnus was about to turn on the charm but Alec stood up and grabbed his fiancé’s arm.

“We’re going to take _Warlock_ home, Magnus. You guys want to come?” He turned to the others who seemed to be stifling their laughter.

“Only Magnus Bane would be kicked out of his own engagement party,” Isabelle grinned.

Alec sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked down at Magnus who was holding an adorable puppy. He had a strange life – closet holding sparkles and his dark clothing which seemed to represent their whole life – but he loved it. 

No, scratch that, he loved Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the many reads, kudos and inspiring comments! I tried to reply to most of the comments and i'll certainly reply to all you leave on this chapter!! i'd be extremely grateful if you'd subscribe to me because i'm working on a steve/tony avengers fanfiction at the moment that i'll be posting soon. 
> 
> I really didn't know how to end this fanfiction but I think I like how I wrote the ending. I knew I just couldn't leave it at the wedding!
> 
> Thank you very much!!


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